I love Groundskeeping, out of everything in my life it is my favourite thing to do, especially when combined with cannabis. I know it is my favourite thing to do because, with the exception of sleeping, it is the thing I do the most.
When I say I only do what I want I mean it, this is the thing I want to spend my time doing so I do, I absolutely love groundskeeping, it is play, it is not work at all.
This morning I spent four hours removing thick tea trees that are a weed in this area, they have overtaken everything. With a keen eye one can see what they are hiding, six hours of solid work including the two yesterday and the secrets reveal themselves.
The place I am staying at now was once loved, really loved, beyond doubt. Thought has gone into it, thought while maintaining the natural beauty of thje country, combined with the ridiculous views of the ocean and surrounding hills. One of the last things I see before I go to sleep on the bed by the fire or in the hammock is the lights of Bicheno, one of the first those same lights provided the moon and stars do not demand my attention first. I walked out this morning and it felt like I could touch the stars they were that bright.
Somebody adored this place once. To walk around and to look I can see that the most likely scenario is one day the property just stopped being cared for, it must have been a sudden decision, possibly something more. It is overgrown in equal parts all over the place, clearly everything has been left when once it was not.
In a week the potential is showing itself again, groundskeeping is my art form, I put me into it. I follow my process with the work, I look, I wait, I get stoned, I walk around, I sleep, I wait, I walk around, get stoned, chill, wait and then eventually I am ready. Eventually is maybe two to three days at a new place of settling in and then I get to play, you would use the term work.
Waiting until I am comfortable to start is important, I don’t force myself to do a thing until I am ready. The first few days on a property I will literally do nothing except smoke pot and walk around. As I walk around I will pick things, rubbish, bits of wood, stuff that looks like it is better placed somewhere else, anything unsafe that I cannot make safe I make a note of in my head.
I do not need to write things down, I don’t forget anything that needs to be done, my head is clear of the junk that gets in the way of my memory. I will write a list of jobs if that list is big, or contains a bunch of little unimportant jobs, alternatively if there is a task that others want done I write it down too. Through this list I prioritise in my own way. Safety jobs come first, second on the list are jobs that open the property so I can see the canvas and also jobs that somebody else has asked me to do more than once.
If someone asks me more than once to do a job I will get it done as a priority. Even if it is unimportant to me I get it done for them and for me. This whatever is clearly something on the other person’s mind and they will continue to ask me until I do it, it stays on both of our minds now. For me, if something is going to keep repeating in my life I just get rid of it, especially simple shit like doing the jobs I am asked to do, putting the damn toilet seat down, being okay with it being left up.
Here lies the beauty in my life and my job/work, groundskeeping is in no way work. My work is the mental health work I do, in particular the work with psychedelic medicines. This is demanding, it is exhausting, it is phenomenally beautiful but it is exhausting and it is the only thing in my life I consider work.
Through my play which comes about generally through house and pet sitting opportunities, people I meet, word of mouth I live on ridiculously gorgeous place all over the world. The deal I make with these people is to make their place beautiful and they let me stay for free and host psychedelic healing sessions. Mostly I am at these places bny myself, sometimes with the owners. Either way, the trust comes first, and then it is maintained, never ever abused.
When these guys come home in a few weeks I would not be surprised if they break into beautiful tears when the see the place, right now if they came home it would not surprise me and I am only just getting started. I have not even opened up the canvas yet.
The canvas on a property is easy, even if it has never been maintained, always start with what is obvious, don’t get 12 steps ahead. Here the tea tree is obvious, this weed is growing and suffocating everything, it is hiding the beautiful secrets.
Beautiful secrets are gums, eucalypts, fungi, life of all different forms, places to sit under trees, somewhere to hang a hammock, spots just to sit still and be in love with the world we exist in. God, these are beautiful secrets, but they aren’t secrets at all, we’re all just too busy to understand them.
Secrets are also the details that stand out, a big tree trunk that can be used as a bench, rock formations, weird knots in trees, the magic within the magic.
Remove the tea tree first, don’t even have to think about it. I did two solid days with a brushcutter, a piece of shit brushcutter that broke and was of such shit quality it should never have benn allowed on the shelves. But even through how shit it was it gave me two bloody solid days, the work it allowed showed me exactly what needs to be done and it is all tea tree removal.
Removing the tea trees opens the property right up, allows it to be seen in fullness without the baggage. Opening is the key to a canvas, opening itself is an art of simplicity.
Tea trees are just an attachment to the ground here, it is like sugar, they grow so easily that the ground just becomes addicted to it, it loses its ability to fight (or the response that tells it that it has had enough) and now it is severly overweight. The difference of course the weight is not adipose, it is a weed. Remove the weed, remove the adipose, see the foundation, holy moly now you’re talking
I have opened up around the signs that ring out Krak O’Dorn so that they pop, cleaned up the overgrown front of the property and am making my way up the driveway now. There are a few more spots to cut down big overgrowth before it makes sense getting the brushcutter going again, it is very hard to contain my excitement and just rush out and grab one now. This would be the easy way, but it is missing the detail which is in making sure the things that were highlighted are again, all the beautiful secrets, this takes time.
Time for me means I keep moving and working when I am motivated, this just happens one morning when I wake up, it is go time, and I go. I do not stop until it is time to go or until it is time to rest. I rest a lot, probably only work four hours per day but I work hard, I make sure I sweat, my heart rate is up, I move and move and move. During my work I make sure to do a heap of movements, and I never get lazy by just using power tools for everything.
Today I could have made my way through what I did in less than two hours if I just used the chainsaw but the chainsaw doesn’t get me strong and fit, not everywhere. It is heavy but I do not use a lot of different muscles so I only use the chainsaw for the really big stuff. For the less big stuff I use a bone saw, which is a big bloody saw for cutting, originally I assume, through bones. Now the same sort of thing is used for gardening and stuff, I assume it was back in the day too, but just to put it into perspective, it’s a big saw. For the smaller stuff and two-handed set of secateurs. I’m walking up and down a hill regularlly, either to get stuff or to give myself a good view of the work in progress.
I rest regularly, every hour or so, sit down and drink some water, have a pipe and a cigarette and just chill out. Well, actually, not the cigarette at the moment. Sometimes I meditate, but generally just be still and comfortable in the space. I look around, feel into in and wait, I don’t think, I wait. In the waiting the work plan flows out and when it makes sense I start again.
By work plan, I mean I look at the space, just look. I know there is stuff to do but this isn’t the point, I just look at it. In the looking my eye picks up things that are out of place, or a way that is easier to approach the job, or simply that I have done enough and it is time to walk and give it some time to settle in, whatever it is.
In the opening up all the other jobs present themselves. At the moment I know I have enough time here to open the driveway. The entry, it is the priority without doubt, when you enter the property your first view sets the tone. The tone is recoverable and can also be lost, but setting it up from the first moment of entry makes it significantly more easy, maintenance rather than recovery, when you maintain it the trust will flow much more easily.
This trust is key to my work and where my money used to only come from, and didn’t come from at all. These spaces I run psychedelic healing sessions, they save lives, it is the evidence of the outcomes of this work. It is a simple truth. The feedback is equally overwhelmingly positive. Doing my work so well is what caused my desperation, isolation and poverty.
Money I despise this thing, it has ruined every healing space I have been invoved, it has no place in healing spaces unless the attchment to it is the thing that is being attended to. I tell people donations keep me going, allow this to be given to others but they are not expected. The work is only thing that is important and that is what we do.
A majority of the people I work with we spend three to seven days together, do a few sessions, teach them about healing and medicine work in the process. If we are really lucky and it is the right season we go foraging for our medicine, it is a beautiful process.
I am a professionally qualified remedial massage therapist. Liuke, a proper course, 2.5 year full-time course, gave me a bucket load of credit towards a physio degree which I didn’t complete, got a rubbish degree instead in the end.
I have a background in healing work, particularly creating safe spaces for people to talk and open up. I love groundskeeping and put my heart into it beciase the healing space that it opens up is, well, you have to try it for yourself to understand it. I cannot use others words, I know my progress in it is exceptional.
Through this I do my work so well people forget it is work. They always end up donating but most do not give money. I get a shit load of cannabis, I get art, feathers, things that people have made that mean something to them, a beautiful hug, a home cooked meal, a conversation.
A friend I support in sessions asked me one day, ‘what you charge, it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t add up.’ I replied that it doesn’t no, it does not at all. I did not need to go into how much it did not add up, weetbix and water, because I had enough at the time and wasn’t in a position of worry where I wouldn’t have enough again. My sob story wasn’t important and it would have gotten in the way of the important stuff which is my mate healing himself.
My sob story did not matter because it was in the past, my current story was void of sobbing while having heaps of it too.
I make places beautiful, really really beautiful, I do it becuase I love it and I do it because I love my work. In the four or so weeks at this property I will do in excess of 100 hours work if the current rate is anything to go by, most will be physical labour. The place will look a million dollars and I am not receiving a cenmt for it, in fact the owners have no idea any of this work is going on. I’ll be long gone from the area before they even see it.
The payment to me is I do not have to go to the gym, force myself on a run, ride a bike, or do any single thing I do not want to do to keep myself fit. I will walk away from here in even better shape than I already am. The photo on the about page, this was a year ago, my body is stronger again, it is an awesome machine.
My physique mostly comes from my Father, but he had a shit body, my little brother has a similar body too but his is also shit. Genes are not all there is, consistent hard work matters too. My mother was white, short and who, without, I am afraid to imagine what my life and the lives of my siblings may have been.
My mother was a beautiful gardener, her garden was a mystery, new things to be found around every turn. It was completely chaotic until you understood that it wasn’t it was just my mum’s version of beauty. It was a jungle but everything had it’s place, an adventure where one could simply sit and look to see wonder unfold without moving a muscle, somewhere to hide and be alone while not being alone at all.
It was hilarious too, there were always garden gnomes all over her garden, they were one of the mysteries. She hated these things, absolutely hated them but because she was a beautiful gardener and spent so much time doing it everyone just decided she loved them and Mum didn’t have the heart to tell them otherwise. She also didn’t want to throw them out, I suspect this was for two reasons, the first obvious one is in case the person asked about them but I reckon it was not the major reason.
Major reason, I hypothesize, I guess, is the joy people got when they discovered the gnome in the garden. Mum hated them, I’ve said this, but she kept them and hid them where the chances of seeing them were minimal but others, if spending another time in the garden, would start to notice them
My mother was a beautiful woman. Her garden was beautiful and it represented her, because she was very alone without being alone. It was a hard thing for us all, she would not talk, speak out the things she needed to, she held onto everything like she needed to, like sharing it was going to somehow make the world explode. In the end all this shit exploded her, cancer after cancer after cancer until it took her life. Stress played such a huge part in her disease, stress that might have been eased if she had of just opened her mouth and shared the shit she needed to share.
Holding on to everything is not strength, this was my mother’s weakness, and it was a weakness that allowed the abuse in our family to occur. She was, regardless of the person she was, she was implicit in the violence in our home, very much so.
My garden and general grounds type is different, I love to walk and explore, move my body. These places the walk brings the adventure, new things open up to you as they open up to me in the opening process, more secrets.
Secrets this time include fallen trees which will become firewood for seasons to come, or dry fallen trees which will provide warmth this winter, potentially old decaying trees that are now growing mushrooms, mushrooms to give to my clients. Beautiful beautiful secrets.
Those mushrooms when they grow here, I take people straight to them. I make sure they know what they are looking for and then we eat some. I teach them how to dry them, store them, dose out correctly, support others through medicine and healing sessions. Phenomenal secrets.
These drugs are available free and they save lives, learn to pick mushrooms and then just go for it. Screw the guidelines and other people’s opinions, find your own relationship with them and open up your life. Of course, be sensible and understand interactions with other drugs and also with your known medicaL conditions, but other than that have a bloody good time and be ready for the challenge of your life.
I really do adore groundskeeping, just adore it, being with my world, my universe non-stop. I’d love to do it with another person but I love doing it alone so it does not matter. Two people do make some jobs a hell of a lot easier though.
Seeing what is already being done
Groundskeeping isn’t solely about what is outside of a building, nor is it just about the plants and gardens. There is maintenance, making sure water flows, the toilets and showers work, doors open and close, window cracks are repaired, more, the whole gamut.
Overall, the plan is to make sure there are as little complaints about the shit that shouldn’t have complaints, the stuff above, basic things working.
Bathrooms and showers, these come first, absolutely first. There is no more sure fire way to break trust, lose your audience, have that beautiful potential partner walk out your door than having filthy toilets and showers, or ones that are not in service regularly. Not in service means broken.
Cleaning, this is groundskeeping and safe space 101, clean and tidy (not hospital grade clean), open, not many obstacles to trip over, it all feels safe. When I talk about taking a brushcutter to a property I am literally cleaning it first, the first job before I do anything. Get rid of all the stuff getting in the way.
I housesit a lot so there is a lot of inside and cleaning stuff going on too. The actual offical Groundskeeping, or the transaction of work for accommodation all includes it. I really love cleaning too, a bit of a scrub is all that is needed sometimes, no actual tools need to be taken to the space. Can save hours and hours of work, unneccesary work.
The place I am in now, new one, is a perfect example. It is a family, youngish family, four children, beautiful family. Both the parents work full time and the oldest of the children is 14, I’m pretty sure. It is a busy household.
I have stayed here once before and only did a bit of tidying up, a few things I could see were on these guys minds but they simply don’t have the time to complete the jobs. If you remember anything about groundskeeping, housekeeping, housesitting it really is this, see what is already being done.
See what is already being done. You have to take yourself out of the equation to be able to do this effectively. It simply means that I walk, look, don’t say shit to myself about the situation, just look with attention at the space I am in. I start to see all the things that have been started and not finished, the repetitive jobs that are being repeated a little less than they once were, other things that clearly are not a priority but take from the openness and clarity of the space, bits and pieces which are just annoying for everyone but they aren’t important.
These are the jobs I do, I get them all done, my priority. I also as my personal priority, as I talked about in the last example, I make sure the first thing these guys see when they arrive home is the entrance, the new entrance, exactly the same as the old entrance when it was new. The moment gives them a beautiful moment and also builds excitement to explore the rest of the property.
The work on this place will be nowhere expansive on the outside as the last place, I am only working up to about 30 metres from the house, nothing more. Only a couple of days of work.
The other jobs are the shed, finishing a tidy job that they had started before my first visit, have made a little progress two months later on my now second visit. It is something they want done, I know this without them telling me, they have left signs, clues, without leaving them at all, they aren’t for me but I solve them anyway. Puzzles, love them.
I cleaned the toilet, gave it a good old fashioned scrub, the fridge is halfway clean, underneath the sink is organised and clean, the pantry and shower are on the agenda. Cleaning these things, the kitchen, I scrub the tiles on the walls too, it takes 15 minutes, I give it all a thorough job.
Two reasons behind the thorough, and getting the thorough done almost as soon as I arrive, post rest days of course. First reason I have already mentioned, the second, if I give the place a really good clean, three or fours hours, I only have to spot clean after that. One big clean saves hours and hours of little cleaning, a big clean I only need to do every couple of months.
A big clean though, this is great in general. It is great exercise! Get stuck into and get it done. Also it takes every single cleaning job off your mind, the space these thoughts require is freed up, you may even find some silence.
Picking up shit
If there is one sure fire job that every pet owner despises it is picking up dog shit. I know this because it is a very low priority everywhere I stay.
It’s what motivated this entry, picking up dog shit and a few things came to my mind. This is the beauty in silence, all these jobs I love them, I don’t think about them when I am doing them. Even picking up shit.
My head is silent for most of this work, occasionally something will pop in. Whatever that thing is I explore it, express it a little further.
The first Ayahuasca session I attended was in Australia with a provider by the name of Julian Palmer. Julian, he is a man that can go and hang out with Patrick in Alaska, as far North as possible.
We’ll explore the many things wrong with this weekend in due course. The Groundskeeping post, this one, could also be called Safe Spaces. This is what we are exploring together in this heading, I only just figured it out, had you already?
The first thing we will explore is the amount of dog shit, old food, rotting fruit, and what they brought with them. It could not be missed, the very first greeting to the hosting location was piles and piles of flies, like millions on little spots all over the ground.
Any guesses at what those little spots were? Yep, dog shit. Just dog shit everywhere, flies everywhere, it dominated the whole space. 16 people were greeted with this. 16 people from all backgrounds, one from the elite. 16 people who I am sure agree with me when I say I have had much better entries to, well, everything I ever done.
Not a person would walk outside in bare feet at night, probably during the day too. Yeah safe spaces, healing spaces and bare feet go together.
It was disgusting.
Feeling the grass and the world between our feet is beautiful, tripping and not tripping, it helps us to connect with the foundation of our existence.
Dog shit, especially if you are hosting an open space, whatever the topic, get rid of the shit. Which is also what I get to continue attempting to do with Julian Palmer. The Groundskeeping post now has a hero too, oh this is going to be fun.
Yeah, Julian Palmer is what popped into my head when I was picking up the shit, how apt.
Attention to Detail
The following is in no way a reflection of the people who’s place I am currently minding. These guys are not running medicine sessions from it, I am.
The owners know about the drugs, knew before I accepted the job, everyone does. I’m not hiding anything from anyone.
Medicine and healing spaces are safe spaces. A participant needs to feel comfortable for the best outcomes, an invitee needs to be able to treat the property like their own. Freely roam, eat, explore without restriction.
Of course, some places are out of bounds so to speak, like my bedroom. So, this is where I keep the things that might get in the way of the work we are doing together. Simple.
To be able to address the detail you first have to understand it, we’ll explore this throughout the chapter. Anything unsafe, unsafe in any way needs to be addressed. This includes shit that might be broken accidentally.
Accidental breaks generally have to do with clutter, not being able to access items without moving a bucketload of stuff first. Or, alternatively cupboards and pantries are so overfull things fall off shelves when you open the doors. The example that I have today.
Two times so far this has happened in a week and a bit. Two days ago I opened the cabinet hosting the microwave, two small ceramic stock pots feel from the lowest shelf as I opened the door, only 10 centimetres, they both broke. The breakage was followed by a 10 minute clean up, the floor needed to be safe to walk on in bare feet.
The second occured an hour ago, I have only just finished hopping up and down.
I opened up the cupboard next to the pantry, it’s about two metres high and contains six shelves, next moment I am jumping around in pain, the feeling sick type of pain. A water jug fell from the top shelf and landed on the distal knuckle of my big left toe, the water jug shattered.
Distal knuckle, this means the knuckle of a toe or finger which is furthest away from the main part of the foot/hand. Proximal, means closer.
Lucky, really lucky for me, there is no toe breakage, the jug was plastic rather than glass. Could have been really messy, stopped me from walking for weeks. Not ideal.
These things are part of the attention required to create truly safe spaces. Clutter is a barrier, try to do something productive with it, if you cannot I recommend getting rid of it completely.
You
Before we move on to the maintenance and ground beautifying stuff let’s talk about the most important safety aspect of any facilitation space, you.
You, medicine provider and spiritual seeker, annoy me. Pretty much all of you.
I come into your space and immediately, even before I arrive, you are treating me like I know nothing. Apparently, because you are facilitating the space you are the authority on medicine, healing, spiritual growth, all the rest.
Let me tell you buds and I will prove it if you let me, from my experience, the closest anyone I have ever met to being at my stage of progress is Dominic and he is miles behind. You bud? I can guarantee there is an abysss between you and me in our progress, yes, my progress being significantly more advanced.
Every facilitator just bangs on and on and on about this is what it is and how it is when I know beyond doubt it is none of that. I know beyond doubt your path is your path, not mine, so therefore my goal is to help you to explore your way through your means.
Your way through your means. You grew up in a world different to mine, different influences, different cultures and traditions, different just about everything. Therefore, my first task, as it should be yours provider, is to listen and hear my guest. Understand the socialising and condition behind what you present.
Hearing all this is super easy provided I take all of my judgements away. Without judging I can hear you, only hear you, none of what I want to hear. Now, I have a picture of you, the way you like to talk, be talked to, interests, things that make you feel comfortable and safe, stuff that motivates you, bits and pieces holding you stuck, and the shit you are afraid of. Also, most importantly, seeing and hearing the clarity or confusion in your overall expression.
Never do I then bang on about this is the way it is or medicine has to be done like this or that. A simply harmful approach creating confusion, blocking paths.
We know each other a little, trust is being built, we then hit medicine, low dose, the lowest of low, your introduction. The above conversation, listening to you, setting up the environment according to you is all we need. The physical setting, combined with your personal setting will be ready to go and prepared in a manner which encourages you to open the topics up further, get right into them.
I’ll learn through our conversations where you are on your path, recognise if you are well behind, recognise if you are only a step away. It’s not that my progress comes into your space.
My progress only comes in when it is necessary, purely the simple learnings of it, I say and do fuck all while you trip unless you need my help or your unhelpful repetition is getting in the way.
When a participant is getting in their own way a provider should not jump down the throat immediately. Instead, ask simple questions simply for you to expore the topic further for yourself, delve in deeper underneath what you think or want the issue and solution to be.
An example is a repetitive topics, my father abused me, it is the reason for the way that I am. Okay, I hear you, do not say anything, keep listening. This happened, he is to blame, that, again Dad the problem, everything else, yep, same issue, him. The problem for my client is passing the blame on everyone else rather than taking responsibility for what they project to the world, the harm it is doing to themselves and then the harm they are unwilling to see, that which is done to others and the world the guest exists in.
Clearly, it does not help for me to repeat over and over that you need to take responsbility, stop blaming, take control of your life so I don’t but I do. Small hints, a word here and there, anything that relates to personal responsibility is the only requirement in this conversation. Find a safe way to challenge your clients stuck mindset without confrontation and, combined with medicine, phenomenal things will start to happen in the most gentle way.
Breaking the constant repetitive rhetoric in our heads, particularly blaming everyone else, is step one in breaking chains, moving towards freedom.
Again though, you cannot do any of this if you think without listening that you are the authority when you may not be. Mostly you will be but sometimes you are not, you block your own path and others to learning, growing, creating the space of all spaces.
Julian Palmer
Let’s really get into the shit first, a few things to consider in your space.
One, and I want to say two, one is even better, but is point one and I will say three.
Three to one, maximum. Three participants to one support person. Any more and you are being supported by a greedy fuck who is only helping you to fill their own pockets.
Julian Palmer, ‘it’s exactly what you are looking for Fred, small and intimate.’ Walk into the space, 17 participants, including me and three support people.
Organisation, if your medicine providers life is a mess, they are a mess too. Took me 20 minutes to setup my entire camp, get a coffee ready, smoke a bong, and then be sitting down drinking the brew and having a cigarette.
Meanwhile, Julian Palmer is still looking through shopping bags upon shopping bags for whatever. Hour and more later, still looking through the absolute sty his car is, his life is.
Sorry real pigs, just an expression, even you aren’t as filthy as this twat.
Finally has everything he needs, hours later, most of the 17 participants have arrived, starts cooking the Ayahuasca. 6pm maybe.
Waiting and waiting and waiting, 11pm or so, finally ready to drink.
Julian gives a little speech, the most pathetic words I have ever heard come from a provider’s mouth.
A few of us walk and sit outside while waiting for the medicine to kick in, for most people 30 to 45 minutes, and Sonny this amazing amazing healer who’s calling is clearly medicine is outside pulling a pipe of Changi. Changi, 30 to 45 minute of being completely incapable of anything but tripping. Sonny, yep, he was a fantastic therapist.
Getting heavy, walk inside to the mattress, very small and intimate group. Kind of, the room very small, the mattresses filling space so much they are all touching one another, very intimate.
Ayahuasca, okay, it can bring anything, enhance shit ridiculously. All the noises from the other people in the room were going into my head like I had my ear up to a speaker at a rock concert, including the super loud breathing of one of the participants.
The car, it was setup for when I needed privacy, the need presented. Tried to find the facilitators, nowhere to be seen, Julian himself I watched walk into the main house. Fuck it, off to my comfortable private bed.
An hour later Julian tracks me down, starts banging on about me telling people where I am.
I tried Julian, couldn’t find any of you. Was super loud in there, needed space.
‘It’s not loud in there and I was in there the whole time.’
Julian, as you know because you gave me the cup, I am on a high dose of Ayahuasca. Things present to me differently to you. And, no, you were not in the building.
‘I was there, never left.’
Mate, I watched you walk into the house, waited five minutes, you didn’t return, so I came here.
Foolian kept arguing and arguing.
Julian, am done with this, not moving. How about, tomorrow we both do better.
Julian started again, I made it clear it was time for him to fuck off and leave me be.
Night one, still got one more to go friends. It gets better, much much MUCH better.
No sunlight
Drink at 7pm or so night two, much better. Straight to the car, let the young woman support know earlier in the day, had a great chat, the only one of three who had any business in the space.
Three or four hours later, right at the time when most people are hitting the peak, I hear ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’, repeated many times.
Thank you, coming from a young man who’s family left Iran as refugees, came to Australia for safety. The bloke is only 24 or 25, not even, his life among all the pain he had to deal with is pure happiness, excitement, love. He has done a hell of a lot of work to find what he has. It is beautiful.
Thank you turns into a repetitive loop, the young bloke is stuck, starts getting confused, scared.
‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’, maybe five minutes worth and it starts to change, ‘thank, help, thank, help me, help me, help me, help me’, over and over and over.
The lady comes out, the young bloke has gone full toddler tantrum, continuing the loop of words.
Julian comes out. Lady asks, ‘where is Sonny?’
He left the property an hour ago to find reception and make a phone call, replies Julian. Down to two facilitators for 17 people, one of which needs all hands on deck to support.
Tantrum, 10 minutes in, and Sonny pulls up.
Sonny has a laugh, pulls out his mobile phone and records a video of young man going through this ridiculously necessary and vulnerable release of all the shit that he has had to deal with in his young life.
Participants have come out now and are watching, Julian and Sonny allow two of them to tackle him to the ground and pin him there. The noise that came from his mouth was heartbreaking.
Finally everything settles down and I get out of the car and sit by the fire, had an inkling I would be joined by Iranian boy. I was. Stuck the thumb up asking if he was okay, absolutely was, beaming with biggest smile, the smile that was there every moment of every day.
Why didn’t you help him earlier Fred? Buddies, as a participant with a huge dose of drugs in me isn’t the time to be contemplating helping others.
Sonny comes over, kneels down next to old mate, pulls out his phone and plays the video he just recorded back to him.
Immediately, the smile fell away, all happiness and pride left his being, the head fell towards the ground, body went limp and with words barely audible said, ‘can you take me to bed’.
To say watching another human break like this when they come to a space through trust, terribly hard to watch aren’t the words.
Julian Palmer saw all this, let it happen, encouraged it.
The entire message Ayahuasca gave me for the weekend, learn do this properly Fred, rip Julian’s life apart in the process.
The last bit I added now, because people reading this, if you are not as motivated to remove the Julian Palmers and Bwiti Patricks of the world from the Aya/medicine space as I am you have no business being anywhere near medicine.
In fact, Julian Palmer needs to be dropped in a hole with no sunlight, you too.