Some things, everyday things, sights, sounds, smells, experiences, an email sent to a friend, beautiful things.
The world we exist in, phenomenally beautiful thing.
To die without fighting living, an email to a friend.
Love, Loo-vay, may have mentioned him before, physically a ridiculous specimen of a man. Talk about beauty. Sent him an email the other day, seeing where he was. Were he on the path to the next destination the intention was to pay a visit. He’s on the other side of the world, bit of a detour.
Didn’t write much, wasn’t one of those things, but Love replied, sent a few communications in fact, there was lots of detail, great detail. Sent him a response, sat down for two minutes and stood back up. We are on WhatsApp by this time, the message came back into my head yesterday, re-read the email, beautiful friends.
Popped back into my eyes 10 minutes ago when replying to a potentional accommodation provider. Read it one more time, it really is a beautiful thing, and importantly may help us learn a thing or two together.
Basically, am replying to Love talking about opening up from his lack of self-worth and confidence, and asking me about my journey. Yeah, it is amazing, this beautiful human, ridiculously beautiful human, has been fighting the self-worth battle for years and years.
You have been working through that for a long time! Integration continues and continues, it is the continued practice of the expression that was hidden by suppression. In time it becomes natural, the thoughts and narrative removed from the head, a step closer to freedom.
For me, not a lot, pulled the deepest of trauma out of myself January last year, talk about pain. Even after everything I had put myself through beforehand it is still hard to understand how anybody survives that type of shit, how I did, almost didn’t to be honest.
Overall mate, have just been learning, exactly the same stuff you are talking about but my version. Learning to express myself fully, every part of me, while finding a way to safely participate in the world.
This is my path forward, people and connection, getting through, seems an impossible task. Alternatively, the most beautiful thing for me and has been for years, I don’t care about any of this stuff, none of it. None of our theories or beliefs, nothing at all, have lived the most phenomenal of lives, absolutely phenomenal, and it came by getting rid of everything I wanted life to be and simply letting it be what it is.
So, as have been for years now, just walk, move from here to there waiting, experiencing, exploring, learning. It will bring me to a community worth settling in or it will take me to the grave, either way, equally content. Really that’s the freedom in freedom, what is will be, and if it is not it won’t.
It doesn’t matter, life and death, this and that, up and down, whatever and whichever, it only gets in the way when it does matter, avoidance of death is avoidance of living. It’s what freedom is pal, to know we go on until we don’t, be equally content either way, live our lives completely in the process, to die without fighting living.