Decided, and it was the decision required, to do everything my own way.
Ummmm Fred, pretty sure you already have that covered.
Well, yes, did but now do.
My financial security future was put on other people, Australian people. Australian people who I cut ties with today, cut them very specifically and purposefully. It was the final call for action to other Australians, my commitment is done. I made the decision purely because I know too much about Australia, and one more important reason. Wasn’t simply going to make a significant life decision without understanding, or basing it on discrimination.
Australia, have changed the mind, have very good reasons to, am not coming back. Kind of guessing you’re not too sad about this, haha ……. I love you guys!
Cutting ties in an email, it is in writing, do not begrudge Veteran Compensation Consultants for taking it personal, it both was and was not. It was targetting every Australian asking how we let us become what we have. Asking if anybody is going to stand up to anything, gave them a few options, solutions, no point ranting and raving without having some advice on where to start practicing doing something that does something.
The fact is that VCC have been nothing but fantastic, nothing but it. Has been great all the way through. However, and the biggest however that was made clear in our early discussions, I still do not understand how these people employed or employing themselves to represent a specific demographic are not representing them in a way that matters – clearly the primary reason for cutting myself loose.
Money, the pension, it is nothing, fucking stupidity to think this is of any value other than eating, breathing and sleeping. Like, seriously friends, look at the mental health crisis in Australia, living for the sake of suffering for the sake of being too afraid to die is not living at all. The mental health crisis extends to obesity, it is a mental health issue, addiction is a mental health issue, the constant complain and blame mental health issue, crisis beyond crisis.
Nothing is being done where it matters. Quality of life, any type of friggin’ life. Connection, support, empathy, compassion, all these things you workers in all these spaces are supposed to have but do not understand their meaning, or, alternatively, heartbreakingly, choose to be them when it suits. This is never doing it at all, worse than it, unless, of course, you are practicing to be better and forget sometimes, it happens.
So, my own way, is with what I have left, with no support, no potential for support, see what happens, make or break so to speak.
Yeah, buddies, I have balls, with next to nothing am willing to obliterate any chance I have of gaining support in my home country to see what I can do in the adopted country. Pretty sure we are going to have some fun in this topic.
Most importantly, any future at all is up to me now and only me, I get through to you to gain your support or I do not. Guess we really do get to see now if a person with nothing and nobody, who is nothing and nobody, can make a difference, on their own, their own way.
My own way.
Time
Get to talk about some of my favourite topics here, time is not one of them. Get it out of the way, do you, can you really believe time is an illusion, this, that and all the other?
Time, including the calendar were created by man, and therefore, if you understand creation, creation. However, creation or no, man created time. I do not know the reason, maybe some of it, but the reason for the creation of time means nothing to me. SImply, in my world, time and day are a filing system and I thank those who created it for this reason.
Time, makes aspects of life easy, it is not an illusion, it is nothing at all really, just another man creation that has been turned into something ridiculous, another set of beliefs, mind-bogglingly ridiculous ones. All that and it is only another database.
Life and Death
To be honest, should things for me become bit a pear-shaped, haven’t got to what comes next. Have a little idea, bit of an older child, younger adult idea, and since I will have the time and it costs nothing potentially give it a whirl.
For now, it got me reflecting, life and death. Really, when you understand it, the worst thing about death is the life that leads up to it, all the years of it. It’s hard to argue.
When you have lived however you no longer fear death, instead, if anything, fear not living. It’s the point of the change of heart for continued support from my country, I cannot and will not participate in ignorance. Taking money from Australia, even to support me here to do great things and live an easy life, would be maintaining the relationship, effectively supporting them by letting them support me.
No, I’ll die here, as on old man would be great, at 42,43, 51 equally great. Death is a part of living, we accept it and we can live the lives we want. I chose to live a life void of ignorance, therefore violence, and I have never been treated more violently, callously, inhumanely ever, it is what it is. So, the choices I make is to take a chance, then should that fail, take another chance, see what happens, nothing is assured, breathing included.
It’s life, it is what it is.
What’s more important is the living before the dying, it is pretty easy and clear to understand that I have done some living. It has been so beautiful this life, so so beautiful. I am ready for everything now, as I will be in 25 years, death included. I have lived, and will live until the day that living is taken, there are already no regrets. Not a single one.
Scotty, me chicken mate died the other day, a week maybe. Called him Scotty because he was just one big cannonball, could not see the neck until Scotty moved and he reminded me of Scotty, a great friend. Sitting outside having a coffee and cigarette and Scotty would come over to sit by my feet. He’d just sit there, then moments later close his eyes, sometimes I’d close mine, 10 minutes later Scotty would still be there. Then he was gone, the flu, but, God, he clearly had the most peaceful of lives.
Which is the beauty in all this shit, I have the most peaceful of peaceful lives, every word here my body is completely relaxed, same with the email to the Vets group. There are no thoughts riding the typing, the body/machine in totality is expressing what it needs to. And, yes, clearly my brain is driving the actions, it is the machine that does this, it is the brain’s job. What I am saying is that there are no thoughts first, the words on the paper are the thoughts, unedited through the mind.
It is the same process in everything that comes from me. Trust, pure trust in myself. This process cannot be easy to be successful, there must be learnings at all stages. It will be successful or it won’t be, we’ll see when it is time to see, but in the meanwhile all I can do is continue my beautiful life as I will, when the time comes, accept my beautiful death.
Life too, the sheep, how she made it through is amazing, was in bad shape after being attacked by a dog. Today, though, pretty much full recovery, a beautiful little meeeeeeeee as opposed to her sister’s brash baaaaaaaa, every few minutes at the moment. Jumping through the gate and starting to play on the rope again, which although is shit, is also awesome. Was very happy with just the one buggering around for a while though.
Death, though, we are only afraid of it because we have never lived. To live is to be completely who you are at all times, express yourself unfiltered.
First, however, understand yourself. Turn the finger around you point at others and point it at yourself. Lean yourself, understand yourself, live your-damn-self and you’ll never be afraid of death again.