Let’s let Fred talk about Fred.
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The writing process
Whether this is the final version of part two or not is kind of irrelevant. Were anyone to follow it from the start it undergoes a drastic change from version 2.17 to 2. I figure the final version isn’t a point something, it is just the point, so two instead of 2.2 is kind of the point of it all.
It is the process playing out in front of you, the way to the way, the way to healing, to freedom, to living a life of value. All I am doing in this is improving me, through writing to you, trying to get through to you, whoever you are. I am learning to participate in a world where every I am, is, in reality, I am not.
It is very difficult to sit there and let everybody lie to your face while they do not even know they are lying at all. When one does speak up through knowing rather than reactive emotion people wil dismiss and isolate another to points beyond most’s perception when you show them, irrevocably, that this is the case. Their own evidence of their own actions is not enough for them to see themselves. The world we live in, an ignorant one.
But, if one wants to participate in this world it is the way it is, accept the lies, know that you can only change you, set about it. I change the approach to every situation in every situation, to participate in this experience in my way means there is no other choice, because I need to get through to you. All of you.
This is not about me, while it completely is, it is life and death.
The things, the topics and discusssions, in this journal are life and death. The evidence in every world shows this, there is a particular passion towards family (domestic) violence, it is absolutely life and death. This shit matters, it really really matters.
To write this way, to be more accessible, to talk to you and be more accessible, I have to give up pride and ego, the lingering aspects of them to do this while completely maintaining me at the same time. It is a learning process.
I am was written when I understood where all this was heading: all the pain, heartbreak, stupid medicine sessions, isolation, obsessive work.
Part One was started when I had the basic safety back in my life required to survive. It concluded with understanding, embodying.
Part Two started when the family situation became a version of that safety. Imagine it will conclude when it is a great version of it, it is on the way.
The times leading up to starting and concluding were not so secure or clear. They were confusing, extremely confusing, all of that confusion is written here too. Only now rather than dominating the narrative and motivation, it becomes much more balanced. The outcomes of the fight come through, it is the point of doing and teaching in this way.
Freedom, healing, opening, learning, knowing God comes from work, hard work, it is much harder than it needs to be when one is alone. Should we find a way to do this together, be truly free and open together, the hard work will still be hard but much bareable.
Support, true support, is the key to healing and understanding.
So, the writing process, it is about improvement, getting shit right, draft after draft draft, really is no different to the way an author writes a book. They just hide their bad behind the scenes, I make sure it is all, every step of the way, is up and out there.
Until it is not.
My journal, my writing process, my way.