N, N-Dimethyltryptamine, more commonly known as DMT. It comes in many forms, less than half a metre in front of me, right in my eye line is the smoked version, one of the two. I don’t want to smoke it but I do at the same time.
There are two smoked versions, generally anyway, the pure version, an experience that lasts around 15 minutes. A version known as Changa, Changi, Xangi and a bunch of other spellings, this one is about 30 to 40 minutes. The additional time comes with the recipe including some other plants, it dilutes the DMT solution so to speak and extends the experience, makes it less intense.
From there we have Ayahuasca, and ayuahuasca alternatives, there is likely a native version everywhere in the world. Ayahuasca is the Amazon based version, the most famous, she is a beautiful plant. This one is swallowed, the experience last between four and six hours generally. The journey can still be intense but not to the levels the smoked versions are.
It is important to note that Ayahuasca herself is not psychedelic, it can however be used as a purge. There are much better purge options, kambo for one. A purge is great, it breaks up tension in the body, allows the area to release all the toxins and stress held, it opens a little space to see the blockage more clearly.
Ayahuasca is called an inhibitor, it stops the enzyme in the stomach that breaks down the structure of the DMT from doing so, allowing the full structure to be taken into the blood stream and up to the brain. Without the inhibitor the DMT is useless when swallowed, smoking does not require it. The inhibitor is more difficult to find than the DMT source.
DMT sources are many, in the Amazon it may be chakruna, in Australia the acacia maidenii, Mexico has its own source too, the mix is called Anahuasca. DMT occurs naturally in many plants and animals, including humans. It is very easy to extract yourself, no lab is required.
There is also a version that comes from a toad. Bufo, 5-MEO-DMT, comes with considerable consistent feedback as being the strongest hallucinogenic known to humankind. From my experience I tend to agree, to a degree, there are differences between the DMT and 5-MEO worlds. But, also, I do not have enough experience with Bufo to comment any more than this.
Big Girl’s Blouse
I just now overtook a big girl wearing a blouse while walking. From a stereotypical perspective there is almost nothing less manly than this. Googling one, a big girl in a blouse, will give you some of the effect but to truly experience the experience it needs to come out of nothing, out of the unexpected.
DMT. This is what you get. You’ll continually ask for what you want and you’ll get an answer but there is a hell of a lot of unexpected, a majority unexpected.
Smoked DMT, I am going to walk you through this a little bit for now, just a little bit, help you to understand the setting of the scene. Setting of the scene happens in every smoked DMT experience, very very few exceptions.
DMT, in fact actually, all medicine is feminine, including Iboga. Iboga who every time seems to represent as a masculine figure. I’ll put this in the Bwiti space but it is important here too. When you meet the representation of a medicine one needs to look through the features and see the being underneath, it’s a massive part of the university of psychedelics, in fact it is the major. An equal major with other non-discrimination and non-violence based subjects.
Discrimination and violence are the same thing. Ignorance.
Balance, all the medicine is about balance, the feminine is completely underbalance in thiss world, the masculine overbalanced. Come on, think about, especially if you are holding space for people. Just think for a second beyond what you want this thing to be. You’re exclusivity and stupid dumbfuck words and stories are the barrier to healing through psychedelics. Put them away, your stories and beliefs, grow up and be an effective healer for fuck sake.
Dominc I’m talking to you here brother, my eyes are fixed completely on yours. Wake up mate. Faith, what an idiot.
Ayahuasca, we’ll start here. Cleaerly fucking feminine, every story, every every thing about this thing. We understand this because the DMT is elongated to 4/6 hours through Ayahuasca, we can follow the journey. Through following the Ayahuasca journey and other swallowed DMT versions, they are all the same. Same energies, same representations. We know this is the DMT, it is not spirits or Gods or whatever, it is the DMT activating the part of the brain it works on. That’s all, nothing else, nothing complicated.
Now, if you think DMT or 5-MEO-DMT is masculine it is simply because you are too much of a pussy to sit with the experience. In it you run from it, the intensity of it all you look for ways to avoid it, you are wasting the medicine. You are a psychedelic junkie!
Sit there after pulling DMT into your lungs and fucking breathe, just breathe, be with it, let it blow you apart, it is the point. But, in the blowing you apart you will be paying attention to it all, you will understand this is simply a representation of the mother of us all. Our mother, this earth, she doesn’t want to destroy you when you come to her through psychedelics but it is exactly her intention.
She will break away your ego in every way provided you come to her with courage, you stop being a big fucking girl’s blouse. Setting yourself up to be completely comfortable and then having a low dose or even medium dose is just rubbish, coward rubbish.
Psychedelics, wake up, I feel like shit, thie shitness has been destroying my life forever. I have had enough, I am desperate for something more meaninful, something with substance, something that just isn’t full of lies. I need to open my shitty life up. FUCKING PERFECT. This is when you hit DMT, psychedelics in general, when your world is falling apart.
The world falling apart is what is destroying your life not the beauty in the peaceful moments, the very few peaceful moments. So you have to completely change your world to change you, get rid of the shit, this is the point of psychedelics.
She will destroy your ego but she will not break you, not if you are listening, not if you are there with the intention to make your world safer. She will make sure you succeed. No challenge has she or will she put in front of you that you are no capable of passing, absolutely destroying. Her world, this earth, has two options, us or not us. I’m pretty sure she wants to make this work with us but do we want to make it work with her?
Too bad, we don’t have any other option.
But the space race Fred, resettlement on Mars, future of the species. Oh my God, you ignorant fuck, space race versus clean water? Space race for a future planet, one without trees instead of this one with billions of them? Another topic, another time.
DMT, the introduction, it’s all of this. Don’t waste the fucking medicine cunt. There really is no waste, you’ll learn, or if you are not willing to you will find yourself in a very isolated place. This isolation is different to mine, this is the one that nobody wants to come within 50 feet of you, everything you present to the world is crazy. This happens because you have no grounding, you forget you are the animal you are and start believing you are God, nothing else. It gets way too much.
You do this shit you do it properly.
First however make sure you are safe with the medicine. Do your checks. Medicine interactions, known conditions, general mental health state. First session, low dose, the lowest area in the low dose region. Medicine will affect everyone differently, a low dose may blown you to the stars.
Then medium dose, at the bottom of the medium range again. This time you are checking to see if you are capable of sitting with the experience. If this is really hard but you can get through it stay at this level until you become more comfortable sitting with it.
Next high dose, the low end of high. You sill know for sure if you are ready for the next step from here. It should be hard, really hard, but there will be a drive in your belly that understands that this is already opening your life.
Next you hit it, you know you are safe, the medicine and you are building relationship, now it is time to put it to the test. You heroic dose, you will know heroic for yourself by now, it is the highest end of the high dose region plus another low dose all at once. Do not fuck around, get it in your lungs anyway that you can. One puff, 50, it does not matter.
Now we understand the first paragraph here, you will understand it after one medium dose DMT sitting. The very first thing smoked DMT does is create energy within you, crazy crazy energy. Your body will vibrate like nothing you have ever experienced. You will hear the vibration, it is your whole world, it is a hummmm, not a gentle one, it is ommmmmmmmm, not gentl ommm. It is everything, your whole world in that moment. This starts nearly the instant the smoke hits your lungs, there is no buildup. Smoke then bang, be ready to breathe.
The process here shows a few things, first it makes it impossible for you to think at all, absolutely impossible. For the first time in your life you are in complete attention, it is being forced on you through everything in your body. This awfully afraid feeling in your body right now, you feel it in every cell, it is showing you how much work you have to do to get your own life back. You can start now, or wait, the longer you wait though the worse your life and this fear become.
The next you come to understand is that the thing, the major thing in my life that is holding me back, is what is presented next. If you can remember to feel your body you will feel the space in your body you react to the most in everyday life feeling awful in a way you cannot describe. Its the point, no description is necessary to see the message.
Out of the silence, the vibration, silence in your mind, not your ear version of silence. Out of the silence you start to understand the basics of the psychedelic experience. It is the silence in you that creates the phenomenal. DMT forces silence and then shows you what really is there underneath your stereotypes and discriminations, who you really are. It is nothing what you think, it is everything that you want.
You hear the humm, the vibration you breathe, understand this is a reflection of creation itself, thirdly, or are we at forthly now? You look at this from the point of nothing, a nothing with no duality, no opposites, no words, no light, no dark. Absolute nothingness, it is impossible for the human to understand. DMT helps you to understand it, again the silence followed by the creation of the psychedelic experience.
The nothing brings absolutely everything, an everything you could not ever in your wildest dreams imagine. DMT is beyond anything you currently have the capacity to think from a creative perspective, afterwards, well, see what happens for yourself buddy. Especially if you an artist.
Silence, nothingness, a hummmmmm, an ommmmmmm, a vibration, then everything. From nothing comes everything.
Psychedelic experience 101. From nothing came everything. Instead of thinking you’re everything, know that you’re nothing, then see what you are, see the life you create for yourself, everything you coule ever want it to be, pure freedom.
Good luck good buddies.
Dosing
I’m talking about dosing above without introducing it. What I mean is look up the dosing guidelines for the drug you are using, this can be difficult but you’ll find it. You have to get through a lot of rubbish to find the basic information said basically.
By starting in the low dose of those ranges you will build your relationship with medicine, trust, You will uinderstand how the drug affects you personally, if your personal dosage requirements fit within the standard parameters. Most will fit somewhere, but a high dose for me and you will be two different numbers.
So when I say heroic, I mean you take your personal high dose range, the one you have learnt through your relationship, the top number, and you add the top number in your low dose range to this amount. This is the dose that will build the trust you need to continue on your journey, to understand medicine clearly.
By the heroic time, through your relationship you will have learned and built your tools enough to be with this experience. It will be tough, really tough, but it won’t be too tough.
Remember to breathe.
More on Dosing
A dose is how much you take of a given drug.
Cannabis, it doesn’t matter too much, this one is done by eye. If you have too much you are unlikely going to find yourself in a place you cannot recover from. Next time you’ll know to lessen the amount a little bit.
One also has to remember, if this is your first time the drug will affect you more than it will in times to come. Same with breaks, every stoner loves a break from pot, even a few days. The first smoke after a break is always pure beauty.
I don’t measure anything for myself now, all by eye, my relationship with each drug allows this. I do measure for most of my clients, exact doses. The clients I do not measure for have significant personal experience already, we eye it together.
It is extremely difficult to measure out some doses for psychedelics. You really must have a fantastic set of scales that measures to at least .01 grams, .001 grams is better. The amounts are that small. DMT, Ketamine and LSD in particular.
I am working with LSD at the moment, low dose ranges, above microdosing but not into the low dosing territory according to the guidelines. The dosing for my work at the moment is between 37.5 and 75 micrograms. 75 is the start of LSD doses, well 70. This is ridiculously hard to measure but it is also quite easy.
I am using 150 microgram tabs, little square piece of cardboard that have a dab, small drop, of LSD soaked in. I am cutting them evenly and then taking them according to what I want. In no way is this accurate, none at all. A dab on an LSD tab can end up concentrated in one area, others areas it barely touch.
The other day I had 75 micrograms, half a tab, it did not feel like it, it got really tough at times. It was a full on trip for most of the day. Yesterday 37.5, still felt it a little bit but not quite enough, today a third of a tab, 50 micrograms.
None of the numbers I wrote above are accurate. Let’s learn how to make them accurate.
For complete accuracy with LSD first know the dose of each tabg, or the dose of each drop out of the bottle. Secondly, buy some distilled water and a one millilitre (ml) baby syringe. The ones you put in medicine and then in the babies mouth.
For each 10 micrograms of LSD you want to add 1ml of distilled water to a small clean container, the piss sample bottles from the chemist are great. For a 150 microgram tab or drop this would mean addnig 15ml of distilled water, now drop the tab in and put the lid on the container.
Leave the container in a dry, shaded and cool place shaking it a couple of times a day if you remember. Leave it here for four days.
After four days the LSD in the tab will have combined completely with the water. You can now use the syringe to extract 1ml of LSD at a time. You’ll know now that 1ml of water is 10 micrograms of LSD. The dropper itself will show you small intervals that are .1ml of water, or alternatively, 1 microgram of LSD. With this technique you can absolutely fine tune your relationship with acid and ensure you always know what you are putting in your body.
Chaos and confusion
Do you know what the photo is? I’m not asking you where or the activities, I am asking you if you know the setting. what it is.
The setting is one of two events that take place every day, one in the morning, the other in the evening, sunrise and sunset. This one is the rising, it happens early, most people miss it, almost everybody.
The sunrise in question was taken from the Hobart Show Grounds only 15 minutes ago. It was even more crazy 10 minutes before that but I was walking back from buying a coffee and could only admire it, it’s all I want to do with it anyway. The photo does not do the rise justice, it is a late stage in the formation.
The earth is approximately 4.54 billion years old. There are 365 nights in a year, 366 leap year, I am not including the leap year, the math isn’t that important. 4.54 billion years x (times) 365 nights = 1,657,100,000,000, thereabouts. I do not know how to say this number by looking at it, I googled it, one trillion six hundred fifty-seven billion one hundred million.
1.65 trillion sunrises, 1.65 trillion sunsets, never two the same.
Also, within the period, waves have crashed constantly on the shores of our lands. The same location, the same break breaking constantly, significantly more that 1.65 trillion times, never two waves the same. Not once.
Ever watched a wave break? Sat there and watched. The cycle, how long it takes between one wave and another, two seconds, three, maximum. How many times per day? Estimate, 28,800. Over 4.54 billion years what does the math work out to now? You do it, my point is being made. Still, that stupid number, no two waves ever the same.
It looks like confusion but there is no confusion in a sunset or rise, there is no confusion in the animal kingdom with the exception of one species, homo sapien. All we have to do is look at the human world versus the natural world and the outcomes of confusion, rather than chaos, are abundantly clear. It is not good.
We know a sunrise is chaos by one simple factor, when the chaos is over the sun comes out, it takes over, the dominant force. Every single time without doubt, the evidence is clear on this one.
Same with a sunset, the night takes over every time, the sun gives way. A wave, same again, it breaks and the wash dissipates calmly on the shore eventually, the fight between the water and land is over. Calmness enters the space.
Chaos always ends in calm. A lion chases a gazelle, it catches it, calms down, relaxes and eats it. The gazelle escapes, shakes everything out, all the tension, fear and adrenaline, returns to the herd and calm is reestablished. No confusion at all, the way things are, the natural law, calm in its majority.
A sunrise and sunset is the same process as the lion and gazelle, we can witness it every day, twice a day.
The beautiful sky is a result of the night and day working together to find balance. The absolute chaos in the process, the ridiculous scene in the air above us, is due to the night and day figuring shit out, one needs to give up control of the sky, allowing the other to come in and take over. The dark and light move, mould, massage, negotiate with one another until balance is restored, day or night.
The wave, the same thing. All other moments of chaos, no different. A cyclone, it has a process it follows, causes absolute chaose before calm, with a little destruction, is reestablished. No confusion, just chaos.
Again, we know chaos, it follows a cycle and always ends in calm, always.
Confusion is a different kettle of fish, there is no balance, no calm, no working together. It is a pure act of aggression that continues and continues to become more aggressive until no calm outcome is available. Only humans are capable of behaving with confusion, experiencing confusion.
The results of confusion, and of course we will open more as we go along, but for now I am asking you to look at your world, start to understand the difference between chaos and confusion from what you witness, rather than the one you try to control, confuse.
The world, the chaotic world is one of balance, all the fights, the examples here and others, result in balance. Every single thing, the outcomes of the events or actions result in calm, chaos never endures longer than it needs to. Part of the perfection in the place, eaarth.
Except one thing, confusion, humans, there is no balance. The medicine experience is highly focussed on balance, understanding it, bringing it to your life, living within the natural law of the universe. We are going to get into this now, how to bring balance to your life, remove the confusion, first we had to undertstand the concept, maybe we do now.
Look at your world, look at the chaos, see the ridiciulous beauty in it, I do not need to write more examples. Look at your world, look at the confusion, understand its ridiculously harmful outcomes, understand they are all caused by people.
Confusion; war, violence, rascism, discrimination, bias, prejudice, famine, rape, coward punching, paedophilia, separation, greed, waste, many many more words. All solely and only available to one creature and one creature only.
Look at your world, understand the confusion, there is no calm or peaceful outcome from any of it.
Butterflies
Mushin’, I am not sure this is a word, pretty sure I just made it up. It is, after all what is happening at this moment.
Waiting for it anyway, picked three nice fresh juicy psilocybe subaeruginosa. Was also on the lookout for panaeolus cyanescens, found none.
Psilocybe Subaeruginosa, more commonly known as gold tops, golden teachers, subs. The golds both confuse me, the names, so I do not use them. Mainly I do not use them because psilocybe cubensis also fits the general identification description. So, I use the full name or subs, much simpler, I know what I am putting in my body and therefore you do too, no complication, no confusion.
Mushroom trips, all trips, are pure chaos created by you, and tonight, me. This substance voluntarily going in your body is introducing the confusion in order to create an opportunity for chaos, it always ends in calm. Remember to breathe.
Panelous cyanescens, the only common name I use to refer to them is blue meanies. I do not care what you call them, that term does not make sense to me, blue meanies really does. They are unique, they are a mean trip and if you leave them too late in the day before picking there will be purple blotches splattered all over the forest. There is a lot of psilocybin in them, they really mean business.
The two mentioned, plus cubensis, are the only mushrooms I work with and talk to. You are safe taking these and I can guide you safely to identifying them. Even then, I am only going to talk to subs here, I know its conditions very well.
At this moment my head has gone a bit cloudy, there is a bit of a butterfly sensation in my stomach. I have been waiting for it.
10 to 15 minutes ago a feeling of nausea, sickness, was brewing in my stomach.
Two options here, get stressed and worry about vomiting or accept there is every chance you are going to vomit.
At this stage, do not make yourself vomit, you have to learn to be uncomfortable in a mushroom trip, it is aready teaching you this.
Should the nausea get to a point it is all consuming, you are fighting and fighting not to spew, you are also receiving a teaching. Let it go, fucking chunder bud, god.
Yes, be with it to the point you know you can but if you’re feeling sick to the stomach from food poisoning, so absolutely terrrible you need to chuck, you bloody chuck. A basic lesson, be with it but you don’t need to live with it. You spew, you free yourself up for stage two of the trip without it interfering anymore.
The butterflies, beautiful tipping point in the trip, the psilocybin is in my belly and it is breaking down.
All psilocybe and many panaelous fungi contain psilocybin. You know it when you squeeze the shroom, squeeze it tight in a little spot, and wait for the blue bruising. The blue is mushroom’s blood, it is chock a block full of psilocybin, you know you are on the right track.
Next, google search, compare to other images, make sure. I go a step further with a new type of mushroom before sticking it in my gob, even if know 99.99% it is the right one, I ask other seasoned foragers on online forums. Get another tick of approval.
Still only 99.99% sure. I can be only be 100% certain this plant is safe when I put it in my body, no other way. Medicine provider listen, this new drug, or updated batch needs to go in my body at the top ranges of the recommended (not my own) high dose before another person even lays eyes on it.
Make sure your fucking medicine is SAFE. You are the guinea pig, not your client or mate.
Breathe matey.
In my belly, the butterflies indicate to me that the psilocybin is being broken down and converted into psilocin. Just like DMT psilocybin as it is does nothing for us, however we do not need to add anything at all to mushies, it only needs our stomach acid and it makes itself psychedelic. We are already working together.
You can add lemon, limes and other citrus, this is simply speeding up the process, doing what your stomach does. From others and my experience this will result in a more intense trip but it will last a couple of hours less.
Psilocin is the final ingredient which is taken into our blood, up to the brain and opens up the party.
Butterflies, first symptom of the best of the best times, I reckon I’ll see you soon.
5 Grams
Do you know how much a soul weighs? Nope, neither do I.
I do know how much dry equivalent subs, blue meanies and cubensis is required to be taken by a medicine provider to ensure it is safe.
I’m as smart as fuck, putting it out there. Book smart only smart, I taught myself everything in my own way and I understand it because I made everything simple for myself. Doing exactly what Katrina taught me.
No medicine experience replaces your life, or even comes close to it. Nothing, no universe, ro running wild as a dragon compares to the moments with my mother, Katrina, all my relatives, you, my friends, me. Nothing at all, I know this from experience.
My world, beautiful word, ridiculously diculously beautiful world was replaced by idiocy. Phenomenally fun insane idiocy, but idiocy all the same. I am glad it only lasted 10 minutes, gave me the other hour to contnue witnessing what I was.
Oxley Wild Rivers National Park. A friend Dazza I met on the travels has a block of land there, he takes me out after one coffee meeting organised through a friend.
On the way back we pick mushrooms, I introduce Dazz to DMT and, of course, we have a bloody good time. So good I had to leave, love and nothing but it filled our space, it was difficult to be with. I needed a rest, so I went for a walk in my stupidly beautiful world.
Then, at Dazz’s in a town, I walked along a creek, the dark night still, a million million stars in the sky, moon beaming sunlight it was so bright.
It is 8pm and I am the only one on the path, in this, with that. Golly gosh people.
Dazza’s property by myself, the national park in front of me, beautiful green lush forest, the stars are starting to come out, moon and sun doing their thing, the noises of the river below through my ears.
The sunset is gorgeous.
I pull the cone.
Instantly. Understand people, instantly.
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM – Crazy energy and noise, it is ommmmmm people, DMT junkies, understand this is Om and research it. Research Om, start there.
Breathe if you can.
My world is replaced by nothing by white. The white, very common DMT world, it is known as the circus world, you will understand it when you try it.
Flying in the white are many things but one in particular takes most of my attention, a massive, like massive, almost my whole world massive, flying Chinese ceremony dragon. Like you see 100 people in but a real life one.
I came out of the trip and yelled, ‘HOW AM I STILL OKAY?’
I was okay, very okay, I was back in the world I came from. This world. The sun and moon were not finished, the fire needed some work, dinner was waiting to be cooked.
When you learn to be here, be you, live in your own skin none of that junk is of interest, it is just junk. However, I love drugs and I supply them to people for a living so I still heavily partake.
This is where I am extremely smart.
I offer cannabis and psilocybin healing sessions. Until a month ago I was also openly offering Ayahuasca.
The first two are what I work with ongoing. Ayahuasca simply because I needed to get rid of what I had before I left the country.
None of this is coming with me, I get where I go and I live there. Yes, I will journal, but I am not working or trying to work anymore. Living my life only. There will be paid work, but it will not ever be work, sole reason of working is because i am having a bloody good time doing it.
Clearly, buds, I have a bloody good time doing drugs.
Understanding a little what we are learning here? Choices, how they impact us, all that good stuff. That walking the path does not mean you have to give up the life you love. You can be completely happy, love yourself unconditionally and still smoke cigarettes and take drugs.
Cannabis, mushies, DMT do not affect me because I am a lost soul that needs saving. The substances affect me because that is what happens when they come into contact with the human brain. It’s the same thing that will always happen no matter how free I am, I will trip balls.
I will trip balls and have a bloody good time, and, maties, get paid good dosh for it!
See where I’m going here?
I love mushrooms and cannabis, absolutely love everything about them, the feeling, the journey, the thoughts, the way my world does this and that. Even when she gets stuck into me I love it, she reminds me of my Mum exactly as I wanted her to be. Mushies tell me the truth in a mother’s gentle way but if you do not listen she will make sure you say, yes Mum, no Mum, three bags full Mum for a very long time.
You will not argue with her.
I absolutely love all the other drugs and generally have them with me too. I can basically offer anything at any time. I advertise none of them. Should my client be ready to take the next step and have a curiosity we will explore it together.
By now we are good mates, a beautiful trust has been built, my client is ready to take the plunge but they want us to do it together, or, alternatively, ask me to go first. I say yes, do not hesitate.
By now I know this is nothing to do with drugs, the request, they don’t want me to facilitate any more, the power imbalance needs to go. The only thing this person in front of me needs is a true friend. One who is willing to walk side by side, follow them into the fire, lead them into it.
DMT is the most painful thing I know. It is the most painful thing every time. When this discussion opens up secretly I am hoping we do not go there, we always do and I always do.
I cannot run, hide, scream, bawl my eyes out, let my fear express out of my body when with you. I must sit there and breathe, and breathe only. I do.
It is hard and hence I do not advertise it.
LSD no, 12 hours is shit, absolutely tiring. Ibogaine, fuck off, 18 hours after forcing it into my belly for 30 minutes, dry retching with every mouthful, no thank you. Ketamine, tolerance tolerance tolerance, I have to trip with you if you ask me to trip with you. MDMA, I never have actually, it does almost nothing for me, your desription of it sounds exactly like my insides at all times. Of course I still do them all if you need me to.
See, fucking smart.
It is more important than this. Two things I love to grow, cannabis and mushrooms, love to forage for them, just love every step in the very simple process to get it from the ground to you. I know it all, every step of the way. I picked the shit, I have never died or even got sick, I do not need to try every new batch I grow or pick before giving them to my client.
You do, you definitely do. Unless the circumstances which your drug came from are as above you must. There is no trust from a dealer, no matter who that dealer is, unless you were there watching every single step of the way.
You buys drugs, as I buy drugs, and you put them as I do, at the top number of high in your damn body before anyone elses. You MUST make sure they are safe.
You kill somebody when you are supposed to know the mushroom you affect all of us fighting for these things. You significantly delay this ridiculously beautiful freely abundantly available tool from becoming publicly trusted and accepted. This tool, the psychedelic family, is the healing tool of all healing tools, stop fucking the movement up by being lazy.
Or by being too much of a coward to make sure it is safe in the first place. You die, I die, not our clients.
You buy drugs, just like me, you put them in your body first.
For mushrooms, the ones I am describing, this is five (5) grams. It is non-negotiable.
The recommendations, the Australian recommendation from scientific studies for dosing stop at five grams. Your clients are going to be able to trust the research up to five grams. Your stories, my stories, our mates and participants stories are not research, this is opinion, it is not research.
The data shows for mushrooms that five grams is the known safe limit so you put this in your body, make sure this particular mushroom is safe.
Your client wants to heroic, they understand that you cannot give them any guarantee as to any single thing about the experience coming up with the exception that you will do your best to support them.
Do your best, it is the best you can do. You’ll understand when you support the right, or wrong, person.
Heroic is on your guest, making sure the medicine itself is safe is on you.
Again, mushies, five grams please.
Power Imbalances
The way I work is different to a lot of people in the mental health space and medicine providers, my intention is for you to never come back and see me again.
Instead, I give you all the tools, including how to source or grow your own medicine, so that you can continue your process without the assistance of anybody or needing to spend any more money on dealers, mental health professionals, medicine providers.
Together we learn, I learn to be a better facilitator and you learn to be your own, through it learning to support others.
Writing the power imbalance in the chapters above needing to go will apply to you too, however you will understand it completely stays at the same time.
Intimacy and healing work do not hold hands, they must be separated.
I will be your friend, absolutely. Pat your back, give you a hug, massage almost your whole body, just about anything safe you need. When safety starts to be compromised there is no proceeding.
There will be no fondling or kissing, definitely no anything in the realms of sexual activity. Massaging you will not come with caressing your breasts, rubbing your vagina, fingering your date or stroking your salami, or vice-versa.
Never will a relationship beyond friendship form in our space.
The healing space, every one of them, is vulnerability personified. It means people are coming to you in order to open up, to trust they can be completely vulnerable.
From an adult healing perspective there is no space more vulnerable than the healing space, it is easy to abuse. You must not, not in any way. It is vulnerable before medicine. But after medicine is applied the vulnerability increases significantly. Every action needs to be assessed by the facilitator, a lot of work and energy is required to do it well. The space needs to be done well from before the client walks through the door until they leave the facility.
Yes, hard work. Pretty much all health professionals will already know what I have written here, there are a small amount who are ignorant to it, others who do not care, it’s the world we live in.
Most, overall, I trust are doing their best, like I am and you are. We keep spreading a message of safety and safety may one day be the primary topic dominating our space, medicine will be trusted much more broadly than it is now. Because, really, the lack of trust is through people intentionally abusing rather than those doing the right thing. One bad mushroom provider gets the headlines, the other 50 saving lives not a mention, the world we live in.
I highly recommend that you maintain the guidelines as per the Australian counselling recommendations regarding a future personal relationship with a client, friendship or more. Two years post final session is generally the accepted time period for a psych and client to hang out socially.
Safety, it really needs to be the first thought in every thought, power imbalances in particular given a little more attention.
Heroic dosing
Patty, a correction here mate, iboga is not the sole medicine with the ability to physically heal, or do all three healings. There are many stories talking to it all over the net. Have personal stories told to me from friends, lots of them, all over the place. However, I will not talk to this at the current moment, it has not been an outcome of the spaces I have facilitated.
The closest I have to personal experience is not being sick since the cluster headache bout, barely a sniffle, 5 years and 4 months or so and counting. Never a headache bad enough to warrant consideration for pain killers, the dehydration headachess mentioned with the Indigenous folk can only be cured with water and rest, pain killers useless.
A surgery included anti-biotics and knocking me out, refused pain killers, not necessary, am not afraid of it anymore. The teeth, local anaesthetic and nothing else.
For me psychedelic use is regular, cannabis most days, other stuff regular. Regular with breaks, a week or two in between every session generally, including good breaks between the low/micro dosing periods. No heroic sessions, not even with you, it is not necessary for me to push myself in those ways again.
I mentioned a 450ug LSD trip in another page. Yes, of course this is heroic dosing, as I mentioned it is and was tripping balls territory. It was not heroic in any way, I know beyond doubt the dose will be difficult for me but nothing I cannot sit with, it is barely a challenge while being a really good one at the same time.
Heroic is not about dosing, technically each time you increase your dose you are moving into heroic territory, basically meaning territory you do not know how you are going to cope with. Like, people, keep it simple, help everyone understand. Heroic simply means I am challenging myself in ways I haven’t already, showing myself and building my true capacity each time, trusting my relationship with medicine so we know we are holding hands, working together.
To push my personal boundaries and known capacities the amount above is absolutely child’s play compared to the number I would need to administer to myself now. Somehow I sat with the figure, and do not want to do it again.
I did it alone. Haha. Just an update quickly, everything, my whole journey, every disgustingly ridiculous trip I talk about is alone unless I say specifically otherwise, with the exception of a few weeks with a mate Paul has been alone. Think of me when you are doing it not alone 🙂 The courses and medicine spaces I attended were after I had learnt enough and was studying for myself how to create the most beautiful medicine space imagineable, still learning.
So, I will not heroic with you, no fucking way. You want me to take medicine with you, I will, the same dose as you up to the highest number in its recommended dosages and will not go further. A participant wants to push beyond here my dose drops down to the lowest in the low or nothing at all except cannabis, you will need support and I have to be in full attention to you, none to myself to, to provide it.
Generally, recover from injury and the surgery has been ridiculously good, the finger I hit with the chainsaw is barely noticeable already, in time the scarring I imagine near completely healed.
None of this has to do with medicine, absolutely fucking none of it. All of it does too.
This none of it, all of it thing I do all the time, you know it? It’s the basic Taoist canon, the understanding that only I can bring myself to understanding the experience of life through my own path, while recognising and utilising the tools available to me in order to achieve the desired outcome.
Psychedelics speed up every healing process through understanding the simplicity in the creature you are, they bring you back to this animal, just animal, no other word. No human, homo sapie, nada. Just animal. The outcome of the medicine journey is exactly that, it is the final destination. After becoming the animal you are the fun and games begin, the understanding that no matter how much this animal I am I will trip in ridiculously amazing ways every time these substances engage with my brain. I understand the learning has just begun, the words beautiful life start to play on repeat from our mouths.
Over all, every type of healing, whether it is physical, emotional or spiritual is based on the same theory, the theory of understanding our capacity of a human being is significantly greater than we currently believe it is. You start to understand the limitlessness in you, removes the fears, break all the chains and live your life for you.
Your life for you will be the same as my life for me, the most beautiful thing there could ever be, your version of it. A life of beauty includes giving it, respecting the earth, being in attention with your brothers and sisters, loving yourself so much you will remove the useless from your life, no matter the name given to the useless.
All of this, all of it, is available with no medicine, nothing. Medicine simply speeds up the process, nothing else. It can slow it down significantly if you are not listening, but it is you blocking your path through attachment/identity/belief to your concept of what this thing we are doing is.
Concepts are not part of the animal, the animal exists before words. You have to exist as the animal we are without words to experience the animal, to know God, understand the end-point of the medicine teaching.
I am the universe
For example, DMT junkies, all forms, Ayahuasca included.
You do know Ayahuasca, the plant, does not contain DMT? She is just another plant that does nothing but make you chuck after drinking her. Chakruna and others, in the Amazon, is the DMT, it is the thing doing the experience, she should be equally talked about with Ayahuasca.
Smoked DMT, Ayahuasca is irrelevant, just a bell and a whistle, chakruna can fuck you over alone. In fact, the more alone she is the harder she thrusts.
Ayahuasca, it gets the fame because nothing happens without it, it’s the inhibitor. Inhibitor, stops the enzyme in the stomach which breaks down the DMT, thus allowing the full molecule to be taken into the brain. People may have been eating chakruna for ages, decided to trial what it tasted like when combined with Aya and bam, the Ayahuasca origin story begins much like the iboga one.
We’ll come back to her story though. Personally, have not heard it told beautifully enough to repeat, we can wait.
DMT works on the synapses of the brain, synapses are between the neurons/nervy things, the brain is made mostly of these things, two types. Want more info on the types look it up, too much information for our needs.
Messages are passed between neurons through the synapses, synapses are a small gap, seratonin receptors make this possible, carry signals, technical term neurotransmitters. DMT directly affects the seratonin receptors and goes straight to where they are in highest concentration, the top of the brain.
Seratonin receptors are heavily responsible for what we perceive with our senses, all senses, our cognition, the way we think and apply concepts to ourselves, and mood.
With the above knowledge one can understand the reason DMT is as intense as it is, we can also understand that due to the increased serotonin activity now my perception has also changed, the hallucinations result. From here, we look at others experiences, there are many many similarites, similarities which neither of us had the capability to perceive previously.
Understand further, this activity and experience, is coming from the heightened brain activity which we already know is responsible for the same things we are experiencing in normal life but in a more balanced, calm manner, the earth and world we usually exist in.
Continuing, break me down to my basics, build myself back up without ego, and understand the DMT world is available to me should it be the world I want to exist in. Good luck to you if it is, I’ll choose here.
Choice, every choice, becomes available to you through medicine, you can be everything but first you have to break yourself into nothing. Again, the medicine endpoint. You cannot achieve any of this when ego and attachment is blocking the path.
The I am the universe experience is the most obvious example, 95% of psychedelic long terms I meet are stuck here after 100s and 100s of trips. Every experience they go into looking for the same, it becomes everything to them, all there is when it is nothing but theatrical bullshit trying to teach you a lesson that you are too ignorant to hear.
You experience yourself as the universe the message is the most simple of simple, I have mentioned it several times. It’s because you are the universe. You are the centre of the universe, your universe. What you are, where you are, is all there is, nothing, you make your universe what you want of it.
At the moment, you will sit in a chair and see nothing and hear nothing except a box in front of you, the gossip of others, protesting about shit on the other side of the world. None of that rubbish exists for you where you are but you make it your whole life, your life is in your own head and on a screen, zero experience. Hence, you need to be elsewhere. This is you, I am the universer, your TV being DMT instead of diodes does not make it any different.
Arguing this? You are simply another meth head. However, most meth heads, and I know a few haha, aren’t pathetic cunts like you. Mostly great people in a tough spot. You’re usually a privileged prat in an easy spot pretending to be something you are not. Ruining the medicine environment for every body who talks to you in the process.
The greatest safest place
LSD is difficult every time for me, the feeling it raises is confusion broadly, rather than confusion simply. It’s not that I am, or you are, confused which creates this feeling it is simply the design of LSD.
LSD too, against the title, is not a tryptamine, it does however contain the structure of tryptamine amongst its molecule, similarish but not the same. We just talk drugs here and at Iboga, I really have no other intention here though than setting you up to set yourself up. The setting, which is You the individual.
Because, buds, I don’t know if you know this about me, or if I have told you alread but, I, Frederick Coenraad Nortje, solemnly do declare that I fucking love drugs. Drugs are pura-fucking-vida. Psychedelic drugs any way. No experience with the rest of the drug families except alcohol, and watching others waste away in them.
Not just my illegal drugs, such as meth and heroin and shit. No, buds, the worst of the worst after alcohol, pharmaceuticals! Like meth-heads, exactly the same, no different, a high portion of you are disgustingly addicted to these things. Most, MOST, of the psychedelic family is not-habit forming. If it looks like a plant and not a crystal, it has no crystal shit in it, you are safe from addiction, even cannabis.
The less it looks like a plant, or includes shit that doesn’t look like a plant it immediately stops being a fucking plant. It is addictive, stop being dumb cunts. Even cannabis in this scenario. The shit I am smoking now, God it is good, it is the most disgusting shit ever. If I was the old me I can see why I would sit there all day in a stoner haze with this shit in my lungs. Can see crystals, naturally formed, but cystals, it is not a plant anymore, this is serious business.
Crystals tell me this drug is now serious business, I see how seriously all of you are addicted to this stuff. I see heroin and cocaine addicts, you all look the same. Dead in the face, features, no smile behind your laugh, the life of depression is the only outcome from this shit. You know it as well as I do, the evidence is at every single door in the western world.
Never have I taken western pharmaceuticals with the exception of whatever is required for surgery, and pain relief in dire circumstances, when I could not sleep through the pain. Pain, fuck it is my opinion, provide I can get myself off to sleep I know it’ll be a good night’s sleep. The best circumstances for my body to heal.
The pain tells me not to push myself now, I stop and listen to it, it’s about the only time.
These drugs are painful, really painful, physically and emotionally in ways you need but could not stand to imagine as you are. They teach you to express yourself and feel this human being that you are, to feel the capacity as much as you need to. Psychedelics will teach you a mother’s pain, only a mother’s pain, both forms, you’ll understand heartbreak even if you do not know it yet, she will help you understand it safely.
The psychedelic world is the safest of safe worlds, you have full permission to express yourself without fear of others, DMT and Salvia can literally take you into a complete other experience, you can finally let the inhibitions go now, you’re somewhere else completely.
But then, you learn DMT and other drugs are showing you You through these experiences. That is it. Nothing else. It’s complete message. You expressing yourself freely in every moment, the way you want you to be expressed.
The picture it gives you isn’t one of pubs and bars, it’s blankets and grass. It is for me anyway. The me I want to be. I will never scream in public, I won’t, not unless it has a practical purpose that everybody understands, Oi, that van just collected a young boy!
I’ll never cackle and laugh to myself or read something out loud even if the person next to me cannot understand. I do not want attention, any of it. The shit I write is necessary and it is out there, I have attracted as much attention as am willing to and have moved on. While continuing as is, until as is becomes as different.
Simply your setting means you, the most open expressive version of you that you can possibly be right now without medicine. I need grass, spaces to walk safely, outside, inside, comfort, the opportunity to challenge myself among people. Like today, with LSD, popped after my morning coffee.
Yep, first thing, empty belly and all. Doesn’t matter a shit with acid anyway, keep it in your mouth for at least 30 minutes, best until the paper dissolves completely. The most effective method of getting it to your brain is through the receptors in the mouth, be patient, yeah, you can have darts, but be patient. Once it gets to the gut we’ll still trip but it is a diluted trip.
Method of uptake is import. Smoking, vroooom. Snorting a purr into. In the guts, getting the petrol running through an engine again after running it bone dry. SImple shit.
Favourite for me is snorting, super duper easy, the last way I ever wanted to take drugs. Snorting and ketamine, bestest of best buds. It goes in through your nasal pathways, best method, again you’ll trip if swallowed but a lesser experience, probably for a little longer though. Dunno, don’t care to try, it’s the only drug I snort so am going to snort.
But you don’t need to snort, the drug doesn’t need to be forced into your brain like you think. Suck it up like a normal breath, stick the whatever on something flat that you can bring to your nostril and a little in breath is all that is needed, does the job. No need to rub and scratch and jump around like an idiot after. Easy peasy.
Setting, is You, the way you be your best.
For instance, if you are a shouter, are you in a space where you can scream and shout without drawing attention? Are you doing drugs there?
Know that high places bring bad thoughts? Are you somewhere that has access to heights right now? Are you doing drugs there?
Have a tendency to be overly flirtistic with men outside your normal boundaries? Are you near bars and pubs? Are you doing drugs there?
Cannot stop yourself from getting on the device and reaching out to everybody during your trips? Do you have service and a device? Are you doing drugs there.
Clearly, if your answers to the first questions in each line above are yes, the answer to the last should be no. If it is not, your setting is not safe. You are not safe. Nobody you come in contact with is safe. Understand please. There is no consent once you are on these things unless you 100% intimately know your relationship with them like few of us do.
Setting, so much more than this great place that or that great place this, the greatest safest place for ME is the only place.
Where I highlight ME above, please, pretty please, replace it with your own name. Look yourself in the mirror and say the words, listen to the words come into you ears. Believe them, the only time I will encourage belief, believe in You mate, nothing else! Only need to do it once, but learn to understand you for you. It’s all we do here.
The above examples, there is an error? Yep? These things happen, I will not change them, it is a typo, an accident. We, medicine providers in particular, need to look beyond this type of discrimination. We are clearly learning about that here too. Just so you know, it, ignorance, violence, removing this shit is our primary intention of all intentions.
I am making sure you achieve this as quickly as possible so you can help me achieve it. See, selfish cunt, you should be too.
Know yourself
Ceremonies, group ceremonies, they are not for me while being the best thing there can be in the medicine space.
Doing the drugs with others is just super fantastic, it does not need to be in ceremony. The very best spaces I have participated in are simply a group of mates who understand psychedelics coming together, chucking their drugs in the centre of the room and saying go for it. Go for it we do.
The physical environment itself, how to make it as beautiful, opening, welcome, warm, comfortable and most importantly safe is over with the Groundskeepers. Highly recommend if you have an interest in creating a facility you swing past there on the way.
The main issue I have with ceremony as it is primarily done now, again group ceremony, is the rigidity of the exercise. Starting time in particular, always has to be in the dark. Mescalin, different, but I have no experience with it, the batch I brewed was not allowed past my throat and into my mouth, dry retch is one word for it. Seeing if I can fix this next week in Ecuador, booking myself into a facility for a week that sounds great in the San Pedro space. Shall report back.
I do drugs for learning purposes, as you do ceremony, the moment I wake up, thereabouts. A couple of key reasons, practically I am already fasted, do not need to make myself feel hungry for any other reason than I am hungry. Two, more importantly, I function best in the morning, absolutely on the ball at all times. Sponge is not the word for how easily I absorb new information in the A.M. hours.
In the afternoon I start to get tired, add drugs now and I know my sleep is starting to be affected, take them after dark and I am going to sleep at 5am when I usually wake-up. 2,3 even 4am for most of you is normal waking hours, 9pm is rare for me, 10 generally only if I have company.
By the time ceremony starts I am tired already, not at my best. It is a great space to be when learning the drugs because it forces a particpant into stillness, the tiredness is multiplied through the drugs, it becomes pure heaviness. Not my style of learning.
Most of my work is with newbies, never touched the stuff before, maybe dipped a little toe in one of them, a microdose. We sit together, we start later than I do for myself, I do not take the drugs with the exception of cannabis.
Many of the medicine providers, so far all in my experience, take a dose of whatever drug they are giving the client. A number of reasons, we are not going into them, I do not want to encourage the practice. I don’t, with the exception of cannabis, and won’t until you trust the relationship with drugs and I give you the thumbs up to move onto stage two of the experience, higher doses. And yes, if you need me to, I will take them with you. Up to the same amount, you want me to be your mate, I am your mate now, not your facilitater (while still the facilitator, talked about this yeah?).
Starting time for my stuff with clients is generally two hours before sunset, one hour for the medicine to start working, one hour with the light, one hour to watch the sky do what it does, the rest of the time in the dark. Sunsets, god just god people, how do we not take full advantage of this ridiculously amazing thing?
Mushrooms and ayahuasca are perfect for me, four to six hours. Experience done and the general discussion regarding the night complete before midnight, I can go to bed. 5am still I am up cleaning, replacing everything, making sure nothing unsafe is out, ensuring the moment you wake up you feel safe and comfortable again, there is food ready to go, you’ll already smell the coffee.
Breakfast, we sit together, we talk, open the experience, discuss integration. Move on.
Providers, and users, you are your best self and best education tool. Learn how and when you learn best, if your provider is unwilling to work with you find another, somebody will. However, the group work maybe not, you’ll just have to accept some things for now, change them later in your own space.
Taking drugs in the most effective way simply takes a bit of thought, give yourself the best chance at success and you will succeed. After all, the key medicine teaching?
Know yourself.
Sitting with medicine
Okay, okay, sitting with medicine, I say it a lot and I know you do not understand it, some of you anyway. It is not exactly correct terminology in the way we think.
Sitting with medicine does not mean you have to sit on the one spot, never move from your mattress, be completely still.
Sitting is my capacity to be with the experience without reaching out for help or avoiding through distraction.
Do whatever you want that does not come with a screen. Screens, unless they are playing the music have no business in a medicine space.
Screens are a distraction, start watching these things and hours pass. Hours pass in an Aya or psilocybin trip and the trip is over, you’ve wasted it because you could not sit with it, needed to distract yourself.
You can walk, listen to music, hang out by fires, talk to people, anything you want provided you are not using whatever as an excuse to escape from the learnings.
Being able to sit without distraction or reaching out for help even if help is available through a guide is each new step on the medicine road. Increasing doses and testing yourself should only come when you can be there with yourself, without any assistance from anybody else, without any distraction to runaway from what you are going through.
When you can sit with the current dose, more than once, two times at least then you are ready to move on.
Moving on with a new dose, start again, simply know that all though there will be similarities to previous trips there is every chance it is going to be a whole new ball park too.
Your best tool, very best tool, when shit gets real is your breath. Learn to use it, learn to give it attention, feel it running through your body, the only tool we have to effectively sit.
Meditation practices, yoga, tai chi, aikido, anything that helps you learn to bring attention to your body are great, GREAT, subjects to study for benefitting learning, progress and healing. To learn to sit with psychedelics, to progress without psychedelics.
Be free
Isn’t it funny that the symbol for oxygen is an O, a circle? Spirituality, what does a circle represent? Don’t know? Look it up, then continue reading.
The soul, what is it? Ummm, it’s kind of like.
Exactly, you do not know, I do not know. It’s kind of like the Bwiti folk, talking about and making something complicated simply because you use this word without understanding it.
Taoism gives me the closest answer available.
Human beings, all animals, all plant life, water, oxygen, carbon dioxide, sun, moon, stars, words, things. All the same thing doing what it needs to do, explore and experience itself.
Taoism explains that a thing/creature/being/entity/body is a representation of creation, the creator, God. Also explains the creator is the animation of the body, easiest example breath. We all breathe, everything does, even the earth, it is a living being.
We expand a little through understanding, creation in a human being is both the machine and the source which animates it, oxygen.
As soon as oxygen is depleted from our bodies there is no further animation, in other words expression. We are dead, the more dead we are the less oxygen within the body. Slowly all oxygen will be depleted and we return completely to the earth, our machine is repurposed for other machines (not solely human) to live. Humans, part of the death cycle required for other things to live. It is an animal, no different to other animals.
Easy terms, God is both the human body and the breath which makes it possibly to live.
Our breath is God working in us, our breath is our soul, there is no separate soul. Every soul, every one, the soul of every-single-thing, is the same soul, we all share it. It does not need healing, it is God, it only needs us to get out of its way, allow it to freely pass through our bodies.
Now, if you are here because you are a provider and arguing and arguing the soul, body and heart are different things you are blocking everybody’s path. If you are arguing because you saw this and that in your trip and therefore this is what it is you are nothing but a junky that simply chucks shit in their body without having a clue why other than to escape from who you are. Just like the Bwiti.
Anya, man she is a beautiful woman but is in the loop of belief, has changed belief from one thing to another. Belief is belief folk. Christianity, Muslim, Hinduism, Buddhism, spirits, entities, beings, Gods, various every other whatever that follows the words I believe.
Belief – holding onto a position without any proof or evidence. Your trips are not truth, they are not evidence.
Yanomami, Shuar, Huaorni, Kichwa. Amazon tribes. Kichwa I know has medicine, Ayahuasca, practices. Kichwa talk about spirits, entities, this and that. Just because they use medicine does not make their stories different to all the disciplines above, exactly like the Bwiti it is all belief.
Belief – holding onto a position without any proof or evidence.
Anya tells Cameron, a relative newbie in the medicine space, first time Ayahuasca drinker that Ayahuasca heals the soul whereas San Pedro heals the heart.
Mates, again, the soul does not need healing, it simply needs us to get out of the way.
Medicine heals you, only you, your heart, brain, tongue, lungs, liver, muscles, feet, arteries, veins, every single place that oxygen touches. It helps you to get rid of all the tension, all the blockages you have created, it opens the body up to freely allow oxygen, God, the soul, to freely animate you, animate itself.
Every medicine does this and only this. Please remove your rubbish belief from the environment. In fact belief, every one, is the same belief, and it is the ultimate barrier to freedom equally as all others no matter what fancy words you are using now.
Scott says tradition asks us to invite spirits in to open ceremony, thank them and send them away to close it, it’s something we do here, do not ask to believe but we ask everyone to respect the medicine.
Yeah beautiful Scott, keeps a tradition to honour medicine, explains as such without asking anyone to believe it, simply respect it.
We can respect all this stuff without belief, I absolutely do. But as soon as we push our belief onto others their path is being blocked equally as I have blocked my own. I am the blinder leading the blind.
Belief – holding onto a position without any proof or evidence.
Are you screaming at me that my position is belief, how so? I am a human body, oxygen keeps me alive, without it I am dead. Absolute proof everywhere one looks.
It is also the meaning of enlightment, heaven, walking side by side with God. I don’t get in God’s way, I feel oxygen run through my body with next to no resistance. Thoughts, constant chitchat in the head, do not exist in me. I feel phenomenally beautiful at all times, every one, even the sad times. I let God express itself as it needs to. The soul expresses through me in the ultimate perfect way I love to express myself, it is heaven, it is walking hand-in-hand with God in every moment.
God people, just God, get out of its way and others way, remove your believe, live life, be free.
Nearing a conclusion
Started writing in the family space, it is almost time to open the discussion regarding Rachel, my sister. I really wanted to harp on about the milk guy not being there, with a conclusion to the story being it probably isn’t the best time to be putting fresh milk in my body without knowing the process first.
I was going to end with something along the lines of, all though, shitting for 24 hours like a cow is kind of fun.
Like, because it is. Ever seen a cow shit? Comes out in a big dark green/brown stream thing, kind of like a rainbow made of pad. Yeah, grosse, consistenly repetitively grosse. Milking cows one has to be on the ball to avoid all the shit coming out of their arses, there is piss too, constantly dodging the stuff.
Sometimes it cannot be avoided. Watched a cow sneeze once, she did it twice, at the sime time shot shit across the other side of the dairy, it splattered on the wall. A good 10 metres away, it was so fucking funny. Had I have been right there though it would have hit me flush in the face, perfect height. How fast is a sneeze? Yeah, this was shit at close to the same velocity.
My body is only just back to full strength today, nine/10 days post Wachuma. Guys, these medicines can be really hard, they should be at times, we are there to work. It is hard hard work.
Somethings aren’t at the time but they are on our body. Which is a couple of reasons I want Anja in my life.
I need to talk to the milk guy, my Spanish isn’t fluent enough, need to ask him how it is processed, is it processed yet. Fresh cow’s milk has a bug in it, the bug makes one shit like a cow out of both ends, yep you vomit the same way but it is mostly just water. None of it hurts. It is kind of funny. Every hour at least for 24 hours, by the end while still not being painful is exhausting, the body gets put through a lot. I don’t want this, ha, I want the milk but I want to know if I need to process the bug out of it myself before consuming it. Anja can speak to people I cannot, she is fluent in multiple languages.
Also, she knows so much about medicines I do not. She talks about them in the most loving fashion, she talks from the metaphysical, I clearly do not. Anja relates absolutely to most of you, you will listen to her, absolutely guarantee it, everybody already does. I relate to people like me. Together, we can speak to everybody.
More importantly, I did not know kambo should only be used once per year. That it is very taxing on our bodies, livers in particular. I love kambo, but I did not know this when I should have. Together we bring knowledge that enhances the safety of whatever space we may create together. Whether that solely be a from a work perspective, or a together one.
We have proven we can talk too, are willing to come to a rational understanding because we are trying to achieve the same thing. Peace and harmony in our worlds.
It’s the importance of how I finished the iboga discussion. Yeah, it is done. The letter to Moughenda was the example of using the word love instead of peace as I have mentioned I would to conclude chapters. Him and I, all of us, should be working to the same outcome, peace. I do not hate Moughenda, I love what he is trying to achieve, I see what is getting in the way, we need to understand each other. He needs to understand that he is the one getting in the way of the outcomes intended. He needs to understand love is driving my words, peace my only intention.
You too people, the same thing, you are getting in the way of peace. The letter to Woman, a sub-heading real conversation is one I had with Anja. It is another reason I want her in my life, she was willing to understand that we are trying to achieve the same outcome.
She was willing even though I told her the thing that makes you all lose your shit, your environment is nothing but people feeding one another’s egos. I said it to her face and she did not run away. She shook her head and fought it but she let me finish, her rational brain was able to understand the basic simplicity in what I am saying to you all.
You come to my space and talk metaphysical, I will not until I do. You open up with the metaphysical and I will respond to you with the practical. These medicines, these drugs, as mentioned already affect different parts of our brain. MRI technology proves this beyond any doubt of doubt. The technology also clearly shows which things within the brain the drug affects, neurotransmitters and neurons in particular.
There are things science also tells us about these things, what they are responsible for, conception being at the very top of the list. Conception being how I see and experience myself and the world around me. Each part of the brain, cerebrum, cerebellum and stem and then the zones within them all process information differently. The drugs work on specific areas within all of this. Science again, further applies the conceptual framework to these specific regions.
Are we understanding one another to this point?
We imbalance these areas of the brain and the imbalance needs to accounted for, medicine in our case is the imbalance. It takes bugger all sometimes to make the imbalance extraordinary, smoked DMT for example. The basic action of these things is not the metaphysical, it is the physical.
You cannot argue this, you cannot and while you do we will not discuss a single metaphysical concept. It’s sad because that is the fun stuff. I will tell you to shut your fucking mouth repeatedly, in the most gentle way, like with Anja until you are willing to understand the basic behind what you are doing and saying.
Once you understand we talk about everything and anything, not once do I pull you up for what you refer to the drugs as. I don’t simply because I know that should I say to you at any point now, but, you know that’s not what it is, right? You will respond, ‘yeah, of course I do Fred, it’s because this rubbish affects my brain. But, you know, I love this shit so I’ll talk about it in my way, the way I understand it, through my means.’
I’ll smile and say well, fuckin’ oath, completely agree with every word you are saying then.
So, people, I am asking you to accept me and my world as I accept you and your world. However, you have to accept my world first, you do. My world is the simple world, for simple people, people like me and it is 100% unequivocally unarguably correct. It is the only form out of all your forms that is proven by science and basic data. Buddies, your ego needs to get out of the way because you know beyond any doubt of doubt that my next statement is right;
I am right, and you are wrong.
Additionally, mates, freedom is equally available to me as it is to you. I am clearly proving it is somewhat more accessible and achievable, it actually is achievable. When ego is in the way you are not there friends, when you cannot understand my words mean the same as yours. You are not even close buddies if you cannot see the rational behind your raving.
So our conclusion is soon, I want to end it with Ayahuasca’s story. Can almost guarantee it will say exactly what I want it to, we’ll all understand each other. Just have to hear it right first.
Acceptance
Okay, buddies, reckon we have every element required now to start concluding our story. Everything we do in this space safety comes first, a truly safe space allows complete expression. Pure expression is when you know you have reached acceptance of the thing, the animal, you are. The end point of medicine.
Wachuma, this beautiful medicine, I do not need to do it again or any or these medicines for that matter. I choose to continue with cannabis and mushrooms because I love them and they are always my type of work. The, others, ha, they are not. My old life is pain, my new life still is, but it isn’t. Mushrooms and cannabis are that, helping to express what I need without the intense pain. Yeah, sure, maybe one day I don’t use them but now I know they help me do things I struggle to do alone, I accept it and therefore choose the way I move forward in relationship.
I know myself, I still need help. It is okay guys, it really is, accept it.
Acceptance is more important than all of the above, the knowing you have accepted, just accepted, nothing else. It is when your heartache and break is just that, what it is, you expressing the shit that you need to. You do not put any words to it, not even in your head, no words come out of your mouth, no desire to run for help, no need for it to stop. It stops when it stops, I accept it.
Only twice, besides joking with Anja did I speak any words in the shit I was removing from my body, even them I did not think, they were necessary. The first time was followed by a belly laugh. It was the Awwwwwwwwwww that followed my, I’m lying here, my heart bursting in the depths of despair and every time I look up, every fucking time, you are sitting there with a beautiful smile on your face!
Yeah, funny!
The next time was about 20 minutes into the final get out, 10 minutes or so to go. Sitting forward in the hammock holding on for dear life, all muscles going for it, my head buried in the blanket I take everywhere.
Definitely strongly agree with the Hitch Hiker’s Guide here, take a towel everywhere, even better a blanket. Especially good quality one, this one is cashmere from a women’s safety foundation in Nepal, it’s a beautiful thing.
In my shit there was bugger all noise, gasps mainly when I finally got a chance to breathe. When we talk about breathing this is the importance, every time I had the chance it is all I did, bring my breathing back to calm. Allow myself to rest as much as possible. Understand this may not be the end, it may be, accept it. I did, I breathed, brought myself back to calm.
30 seconds this time and I’m heading back into it, I encourage myself out loud, not long mate, you’re almost there, followed 10 seconds later with it hurts so much, it hurts so fucking much. The rest burst out of me. Little episodes here and there after but just the offshoots, the body recovering. Today, I’m fantastic, back in the gym. If I had of had pot would have went for a massive walk up the hills.
Need rest breaks walking up big hills, my snacks are cannabis and cigarettes, yours apples and bananas, it’s my version, get over it. Accept it, I accept yours.
You know acceptance of just life, just you, just everything, how it is when you can express it like this. No words, not even in the thoughts, there is no I need this to stop. It’s pure acceptance that right now I am giving myself what I need and so I am going to let me give it to myself. Accept it.
Accept myself.
Adios
Adios, adieu, goodbye, but hello.
Bugger Aya’s story, I wanted to end it that way, really wanted to. Know what this is called? Yeah, attachment. It’s not that important. Not important at all.
We have everything out of the way needed, you have all the basic tools and now it is time to start applying them to our lives, building our tools from the tools we use. Putting the rubbish away, the medicine away, replacing it with something new, or nothing at all, much better, much simpler.
Integration is the most important part of the healing journey, no matter what practice or tool you use it is useless without integration. So, if you are interested, join me in part two as we continue to open this topic. Open it up without calling you cunts all the time, just sometimes, in a different way, the way where you finally start to understand I’m not just ranting and raving, am telling the truth.
You are, indeed, a cunt.
So am I, let’s accept it, learn to be cunts together. After all good buddies, when one human has the capacity to be a cunt they all do, we all are, we are all the same cunt together. So let’s work together hey, stop being such ignorant pussies. Medicine teaches us this, now let’s integrate, see you there.