Hey ladies,
Have come to the realisation that Dear Woman was a bit too formal for our purposes. Hey ladies fits the more casual nature of me and my affairs, so no point starting off all formal when it is false.
Never do I want to be formal. Never at all, I want to be me, just me. I do not dress formal, but what I wear to the formal I’ll also wear working in the garden tomorrow. It works for both occasions. You get me, just me, as anything other would be hypocrisy, a tipping point on the balance of power, inequality.
Simply because the request for you to be anything other than you would be asking for a life that I am not living. I live my life, mine, I want you to live yours too, for us to live ours together.
But, fuck that good buddies, living our lives together, always together. No. It does not need to be this.
I have dreams, outcomes I want to achieve, they are my only purpose.
One, to make sure attachment is not driving my dying, I need you for this, to experience the thing I have not in order to understand the experience. True safety amongst my peers, raising children in that environment, seeing what happens when control is not dictating our space, when freedom is actually free.
By peers I mean people, and within those people starting with you. It has to be you, there can be no other.
Twice in the last two months have I bedded someone and not been able to boner them, one identified as a woman and did not stem from traditional woman stereotypes. She was a woman, but not my type of woman. The times with traditional woman? Had to tame it down always almost, stiff as a post.
The other, a fuck buddy, a good bloke with a great body, a little feminine, a mate, but a fuck buddy. My ideal scenario. Horny as buggery and the thing flopped, flaked, fucked it all up when it should have been fucking it. This does not happen with women, well, it did once, a once I knew should have been a nunce.
Once in God knows how many times I have fucked you already.
Straight, but not completely straight. Yet I have not met a man, or the masculine at the moment of creation who interests me in this way, not even close. However, should we meet know these things because they are important.
Sex with the masculine, experiencing it, I have not to the best it needs to be for me to understand. You and me, I’ll spend my lifetime making it the best it can possibly be. You’ll keep me interested, I know that he, and any he, including a she he, won’t.
My mate today and me, maybe, it is a possibility for the experience, who knows, it will be or it won’t, no pressure. I will pursue it until I understand the experience enough for myself, whatever that looks like. You and me, we will not get in the way of my way. As we will not get in the way of your way.
I don’t need to sleep with another woman, not one, my experiences are broad and mostly based on a beautiful freedom to experience eachother. I know, in all your forms, you are a phenomenal thing, just a phenomenal thing, the most phenomenal thing, and hence I want to fuck you, just you, over and over and over and fucking over.
To experience you in fullness, to feel what it is like to be you, to be in your body, to feel what you feel is not possible. It is not. The best I can do is create a physical environment to experience you experiencing yourself completely, it is what I will do, we will do, pursue safety.
Safety, it is the only thing I want.
I will do my best to be the best version of myself, I will learn, it is what I do, it is who I am. To be better, to remove the barriers between you and me, starting with my English and grammar.
Cunt has calmed, the apostrophe is getting better, and the laziness on the hyphen recently will be attended to, it is the best I can do. It is what I will always do. It is what I have always done.
The second outcome, to raise my children by the model of their parents, for them to witness a life in which life is being lived. Where dishes are done dancing, weeding whistling, cooking as a community, where generosity and altruism are actually altruism and generosity.
I want to be here at every single moment, my children by my side. From watching to participating to getting the fuck out of the house, coming back whenever they want, until the day I die.
Three, you, I do not give a fuck about you, not a single fuck Buddy. You can do whatever the hell you want, sleep with whoever you want, be whatever you want, ṕursue a career, do you. But do you while providing for me and the kids, make sure our life is not impacted by your activities at all, allow us the freedom to be free together, to be a family.
Come home whenever the fuck you want. But, when you are here, tell us everything, talk to us about everything, your cravings and desires included. Help us all understand together, make sure it does not destroy our space. By it, I mean secrets, lies and treating us like morons.
Treat us like people, talk to us, as we will talk to you.
One day, some day, I know, as you do, through this, wherever this is will be where we are. We will be there together.
If you do not want a career; family is your focus, understand the sacrifice here too. We can make a life, a great life, we just cannot do it here. We must leave, we must live a long long way away. But, maties, we will be okay, we always are. In fact, it will be awesome. Just awesome sauce.
Ultimately, money and me, it is not a relationship I want to maintain. I do not want to charge a nickel, a dime, or a fucking quetzal for any of it, not even mention the option for donations. I want people to come into my space and feel safe, just safe. So safe they express themselves in all ways and open up their lives, they change their worlds, we change ours, WE DO IT TOGETHER FOR FUCK SAKE.
I am a passionate man, boy am I passionate, but you will not know it unless you look me in the eyes when I talk. I do not get upset and bitch and moan and scream and shout about the shit I care about. I speak calmy, slowly, clearly, I make sure I am heard. I am so passionate that the only passion you will hear is the tone of a man who knows what he is talking about, who has been there, who does not want another human being to go through what he is.
So passionate in fact that I will remove all the passion from my expression to ensure you understand me.
I am passionate about me, you, my brothers and sisters and especially the young people who’s passions are already those of other people. They are this way because of control, force, pressure, expectations, societal norms and stereotypes, all the rest of it, all the its that give me the fucking shits, that create separation and ruin our worlds.
Togetherness pal, togetherness, it is my heart’s true desire, my one and only interest.
Through this my ultimate goal, ultimate aim and outcome is to change the world, the whole thing. No, Lao Tzu, my good buddy and beautiful teacher, just myself, family, town, state and country is not enough, not even close. The world, the whole fucking thing is my aim, to make it a safe place for everything and everyone to be free to be themselves, to express and experience who they are, for us all to be better together.
A world where we can just simply be who we are together, nothing more, nothing less.
So, ladies, please, come fuck me already, on a regular basis.
Frederick
A backward step
Some more shit to know Susan.
I do not take a backward step, not unless it is to go forward. But if you’re going forward, and I am going forward and you block my path I will not step at all. Instead will stop and wait.
Inconsideration, shits me to tears, how seven men can think taking up the foot path yesterday, disallowing the oncoming traffic to pass without moving off the road is more of the its that give me the shits.
In my experience, you will tell me to step aside, let them pass. I will smile and say no. They will move or they will run into me, it is the outcome. They always move, I sigh an audible fucking hell and the cowards say nothing in return. This is the world we live in, an inconsiderate one, I do not step backwards, sideways or any other ways for it.
I will not block your path, and you will not block mine. I am alpha bud, the alpha, simply because I am Me, not a thing else, not one thing. You will not block my path.
However I’ll step backwards all the fucking time, will also step sideways, upways and downways, then I’ll wait. Just wait. For as long as it takes, whatever it is.
The other day, step to the side, a couple back and waited 10 seconds or more. Let a couple of ladies go past me.
Of course you did Fred!
Yeah, of course I did, didn’t have, had enough room for me to pass but I stepped aside and waited anyway, was so much easier.
One an elder lady, not elderly but elder, pretty, the other maybe 25 to 30 years younger, very pretty.
They were pushing prams, two kids about the same age, twins likely. The older lady was beaming with sunshine. The two kids as happy as can be, glowing in the light. The younger woman just looked content. It was beautiful friends, just beautiful. I would’ve waited a lot longer just to watch it, to see the beauty of my world laid bare before me in nothing but smiles and glowing spirits.
I wait, I wait all the time, I am waiting for you.
However, I will not wait a second more if inconsideration dominates your individuality, if you expect me to take a backward step just because you are scared. If this is you, forget about me.
I stand up for my rights, my personal space, my freedom. In doing so I am standing up for you, and keeping every promise I have ever made, the promise to be better than what I am expected to be. An absolute fuck-tonne better.
I am.