is where my body is.
I started to expand on my statement.I am Me, talked about my name and understanding a name is nothing but a unique identifier, one that makes it possible to get my attention without getting everybody’s attention. Really, I do not need to expand on any examples in the statement, it is purely understanding that life, my life, all of it is a choice. So, understand the stuff I have said about my name and you will understand it all.
It really is that simple.
Home, for me, is not so simple. It does not seem to exist anywhere but where I am, in my body. However, it is simply the only thing I want. Home, to be home, just a for a moment, even one. To know what it means. To know what it means to occupy the same space in full trust with you.
It’s my journey now, relationships are useless to me if they do not come with the potential of making me and you home together. I want nothing else from you, numbers of friends on my socials and in my WhatsApp mean nothing, They are no friends at all. I want you, I want us, I want the two of us to do the rest of this thing together, do it completely, do life.
Home is not just me, it is community, love, conversation, freedom to be myself in the presence of you freely being you too. It is the importance of everything I write, I am calling to the four corners of the world. If there is anybody out there willing to give it a go, to create home, the fullest definition there has ever been please come forward. Let’s give it a go.
The HOME title goes hand in hand with accepting my invitation. Home to me now is you, Woman, a family, a community which I never ever want to leave. A place which is the only place I want to be now, then, ever again. I want to be there with me, you, any children that come into our lives. I want to create something truly special, chock full of love, safe.
This topic we explore the most important of important things to me, removing my isolation completely, interacting with the world purely in the way I want, no other, 100% love and value based. So, let’s give it a whirl, see where we can take this topic together. It’ll be funny, heartbreaking, everything in between. Guarantee above all, our conversation here will be phenomenally beautiful in every way.
It’s the truth
Love this topic, purely love it, I put it first in The Groundskeeper part two for a reason. Love and nothing but the love I have to give, the love that you will receive comes form this space. It is coming from the love of my life, the absolute pinnacle of love in life, me and my body. Nothing but love lives here ladies, nothing at all. It is all I have to give, I have nothing else, literally I have nothing and nobody else. I give what I have, it is the only thing I need. Let’s see if you can come to love it too.
Afterall home is my purpose, a garage to park my body, keep it safe right now and all right nows to come.
I no longer want to travel, fight for this cause and that, put these ridiculously painful medicines into my body.
Today, again, LSD, I did it intentionally knowing it is very likely going to be a horribly HORRIBLY painful day to follow. The isolation factor of my life is reaching a crescendo, it needs to go, it is dominating my almost every moment, it is ridiculously diculously painful, I am doing it alone. Clearly. Still. Why? How?
I don’t know. I really don’t. Let’s be honest, I really don’t.
I’m not ugly, no oil painting, but not ugly anymore.
I have a phenomenally strong and beautiful body.
Absolutely hilarious, pure gentlesess too, you know this already. Don’t really even need to bring attention to it.
As smart as absolute fuck, absolute fuck, pure genius.
But, I’m not allowed to say this, tell you I am genius, smart as absolute fuck, smart at all. When I do I am stuck up my own arse? You know it is true, I know it is true, yet I cannot say it? Cannot tell the truth? I want to be safe ladies, how is me not allowed to tell the truth safe? How is you not being able to express who you are safe?
I want to be safe. I want you to be safe, us to be safe together. Our children to be safe.
Other words; my desire is to be who I am, for you to be who you are, us to be who we are. For our children to become who they become, and only them, only you, only me.
This is the home I want to create, I will not compromise, not at all. Should I have to? Should there really need to be compromise when I am being who I am and you are equally being who you are? What compromise is required, seriously, give me one example?
We sleep on the same side of the bed, who compromises there Fred?
Fucking me idiot, you should too, it’s a side of the bloody bed. I’ll sleep.
The toilet, Fred? I’ll leave the seat down, up, in the middle do not care. You already know I do not care though. I come to your place and leave your place and the toilet seat is where it started. You left it like that or me, doesn’t matter, was left like that. Your house your rules, I pay attention to the toilet seat each time I arrive, replace it equally as such when I leave.
You come to my place and both seats are down, every time, one or two, the seats, both of them are closed. No arguments here, already compromising, no point bitching about it being up when it is always down.
Clee, pure life of hypocrisy, lived under her dictatorship for a few months. Gets up me about Sarah staying for two weeks, telling her Sarah would be there. Clee being away herself. Clee comes home, Sarah overextends the stay a few days, Clee gets up me. Clee’s friend comes for a night, she stays two weeks, only the mention of the one night, Clee cannot see the hypocrisy when I get up her after trying to get up me for the same thing.
Tells me to stop eavesdropping when she is crying and whinging and having a terrible time on the phone to her ex-boyfriend when she is doing it at 12am, loud on the phone, right outside my bedroom. The bedroom with no walls, only window pailings to ensure constant airflow amongst the hideous humidity.
Clee wanted to get up me for the toilet seats, she literally said it to me, but then decided she could not because they were always, without fail, both down.
Yeah! Fuck you Clee! Ha! Nah, terribly ugly woman, but a beautiful beautiful heart in amongst it all. I see what lies underneath ladies, not the shit you put on top, while still seeing the shit on top. I take this shit out of our situation, like literally, none of these meaningless things will get in the way.
I’ll compromise, I already have.
But, I will not compromise on being Me and will not compromise on you being You!
Get it?
Understand?
Clee, she was trying to bully and control me. Really started the night after I met a hot Hungarian, met her all night long, once again in the morning too. Clee and I are chatting at breakfast, ‘you out last night?’. Yeah made a mate on TInder, we hung out and had a bloody good night. Told her the truth, her face went full tension, I did not understand.
She started to try and dominate me, control me, bully me like the above, bring pure hypocrisy into the space. I opened up the cupboards in the kitchen the next morning to make my coffee, everything of mine had been moved to one tiny little shelf, a little one in the fridge too, Clee had open access to all territory.
Clee, what is this? Why I am suddenly only given this little piece of territory and you have all the rest. Like, mate, what is going on here?
‘Fred, it’s my place, that stuff is all mine. You are assigned that space.’
Fuck off Clee, we live here equally, you invited me in, I pay half the rent, we have equal space. Why are you suddenly, without any warning, treating me like absolute trash?
She continued to, I left. Left her with a nice note, fuck you Clee without saying fuck you, purely using examples. Was going to take me to the tribunal, court, over $200, the male to female toilet paper usage ratio. I refused to pay it, she wanted to break everything down to detail, so did I.
Started with assigned space, 8% to me 92% to Clee, took this out of what I owed her, she owed me it turned out, $600. She fumed. I compromised,
Okay Clee, we’ll settle on this. I have barely had friends over, you have them often. Toilet paper, statisitically females use three parts to every one part of their male counterparts. So, I have done a calculation on the toilet paper used, included your friends usage, it is about $250 to you $50 to me. I’ll take the $200 out of what I owe you, the last two weeks of rent.
Yeah, expensive toilet paper.
I did. I’m a funny fucking cunt, you know this already. Cleely didn’t care about the money, knew Clee absolutely did in the most pathetic of ways. Yeah, it was lesson time. So so funny.
Yeah, I fucked with her, money hungry slob. So I fucked with her. Petty petty examples of money and equality in the space, super petty, was seeing how far she would go. To court, over $200. Message after message to me, Fred, you going to pay? Court is tomorrow, have to go if haven’t paid by 12 tonight. Fred, you paying? Fred? Fred? Fred.
I paid, scheduled the bank transfer for like 11:59pm the night it needed to be done knowing beyond doubt this piece of shit would be sitting there watching and waiting. Getting ready to jack off at the only thing of any value in her life, numbers increasing in a database. What a disgustingly sad life.
Money too, before continuing, will never ever come between us. I will be broke and homeless, living in the bush eating weetbix before it will, even then it will not. You know this already, I will jump from a cliff before I tell a lie to put money in my pocket. Everything I have, this stupid pathetic rubbish shit that destroyed my whole world, you can have all of mine. Every single cent. Just remember to leave me a pack of darts and cannabis every day and I’ll be as happy as a pig in fucking shit.
So, ladies, we continue education, we remove all the hypocrisy, bullying and control shit from it. It is the trash I have removed from my life, you can see how harmful it is, how it stops us from being who we are together?
I hope we understand each other, I really do, let’s move forward with heart.
Because, ladies, the truth is, the whole truth, I am a beautiful fucking man. A phenomenally PHENOMENALLY beautiful man, the very best of us. Any of you would be the pinnacle of lucky to end up with me, you will be treated like I treat myself, an absolute King, clearly.
I’m not going to treat anybody any differently to how I treat me. Not a single thing different, if I am the current King in your life then you are the current Queen in mine, we treat other like this, be who we are together. True love is already there, it started the thing, drives it, the words never ever need to be used. Words do not describe love friends, not at all, not in anyway, it can only be experienced.
So, come, experience it, give it a go and then decide if I am full of shit. See if I give you even one single example.
Sadly, not sadly, you’ll trust me, that it is just me, there is no other better Me, there really isn’t. Then, the pinnacle of Home, of a good fucking life with blow your current thought pinnacles out of the universe.
It’s the truth.
A good root
Look, Woman, I know the title isn’t exactly your idea of romantic, it isn’t mine either. As everything that came before, seeing beyond the words to understand the story underneath is our first step to success. Learning to speak the same language together.
Your language will always be your language, mine will be mine, we come from different worlds, it is what it is. However, we work to understand, let ourselves be willing to understand one another, know we are saying the same things even though we are using different words. They make no difference, only the difference that we let come between us.
Discussed the meaning of a good root briefly in the About section, expanding here because it is important for us all to understand. Whether you want a good root with me or someone else, it is equally important to understand.
You see, getting a good root has nothing to do with me throwing you onto the bed after a night dancing, drinking and having a good time. Like, we can do that but it isn’t where we start.
We start with trust, the kind that allows us to express and be who we are in the space of one another.
Sitting on a bus together, being quiet, feeling safe and comfortable without needing to fill the air with noise, with words. Sometimes there are words, words that come with meaning rather than general chit chat, the hills are nice, the weather is shit, what should we do for dinner tonight? Honestly, this is not conversation, only discomfort fillers. I do not want it wasting my and our space.
To work together, a new task, maybe trying to get the music to play from two different speakers so we can listen together, move from one space to another and have the tunes flow, tunes we both like, similar music taste. Great. The learning, the working together, is simple and without stress or any pressure to get the task right. We get it right when we do, we get it right together.
When we talk, we talk freely and openly, every topic is welcome. Neither of us need to feel ashamed, embarrassed, scared or any other emotion stopping us from speaking our position. Equally, we are open to the position being challenged if it requires challenging. You know, as I know, the challenge comes from a space of love and opening, there is no spite, revenge, trying to bring the other down.
You want to go somewhere, want me to come, I don’t want to, you accept it. Most times I will, or you will, but sometimes we won’t, it’s okay, again, we accept it, understand the other needs to do them right now, it’s important they are allowed to.
We build trust in all areas and it flows on to everywhere else.
Sex, yeah, of course we’ll need to practice. Learn each other along the way. It may take us three months, six months, to achieve the good root I am talking about, it may only take one time. It doesn’t matter, as we go along we come to understand that safety outside the bedroom translates to inside the bedroom. The less control outside, the more freedom inside.
Freedom in relationship and sex is the most important of important things, it cannot be achieved when trust is continually being broken.
When two people trust each other, really really trust each other, and take this to the most vulnerable of vulnerable spaces those spaces become less vulnerable. Possibly the vulnerability completely removed. Together we express ourselves in a way only two people intimately connected can. The stronger the intimate bond, the trust, the greater the expression.
Have mentioned it in Aussie Refugee, the noises, fluids and everything else that comes with great sex is just phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal. Phenomenal, yet, I have not and you have not achieved the kind of safety I am talking about in relationships here, I want to and I know you want to too.
This safety and trust, it is the only thing I want, the goodest of roots an absolute bonus but it is distant interest comparatively. The main fact is the sex, whether it continually gets better or worse, is a gauge of our relationship and trust. If you don’t feel like you can be you around me outside the bedroom then you cannot be you inside the bedroom.
Again, let’s just be us together, who we are, allow the other to be who they are, make trust and freedom of expression our goal. See what happens.
The goodest life
Ladies, and to be perfectly honest, do not mind if you are a ladette. You know? The TV show. Funny funny, the ladies were better how they started. Their own people.
Beautiful.
As is my current home, come join me. The white thing is a day bed we will probably fall asleep on. Made it super comfortable.
The coloured object, of course the waterfall have mentioned a few times.
Give it a go, I’d almost bet it’ll be the goodest life.
Thank you Danyel and an Apology
All the women, and men, named here have not given me their permission. Some flat out made it a clear no for me to continue discussing them publicly. Danyel, for example, who took out a violence order. Somehow thinking that the most pathetic coward of organisations, Australian Police, handing me a pathetic piece of paper requested by the most pathetic cowards of men would somehow stop me.
Thank you Danyel, you inspired me, no longer have to make up names for you guys, just use your real ones, so much easier. Like, buddy, thank you for making this so much easier, the writing flows completely now. Barely miss a detail, hey?
Sorry equally too, to everybody named with the exception of those in power who need to do better.
There are things in this world that are more important than anything else. The world we live in is a horribly painful world for so many when it does not need to be. My stories are the human being we all are, you are, we know it together that they are. Some I am worse than you, others I am better. We still are equally the same, and we get to learn it together.
My passion is for all men to be better men not just the handful I interact with on a weekly basis. The stories are who I am, your stories are who you are, our stories are who we are, experiences, memories. It is the meaning of the phrase be who we are together, you cannot take them from me, they cannot be controlled. You will not, can not, get in the way of what I am trying to achieve.
Simply a better life for us all.