The first time I realised I was an adult was in Port Hedland, 33 or so.
Standing in front of the ice-cream fridge trying to decide between snickers and peanut butter cup ice-creams and a little thought pops into the head, Fred, you can have both. Yeah, knew I was now adultjng in the most juvenile scenario. Fuckin’ love ice-cream.
Tonight, was chilling out at the park festivities, sipping on a cola, smoking a dart and trying to decide between waiting to finish the durrie before eating the frozen goodness or doing both at the same time. Then, the next topic popped into my head, pure inspiration. Time to continue the getting healthy conversation, ha-fucking-ha. I’m a funny cunt but you know this already.
So, let’s continue discussing getting the frame in good shape without being prats about it. While still living our damn lives.
Then, for mains fried chicken and chips.
The basics
To reiterate the basics before moving on to the basics. Making your life, the life you love, the foundation for a healthy body is the very best of the best ways to a healthy body.
Scrubbing the shower listening to Burn One Down, Ben Harper, and then by the end of the song was indeed burning one down. Not the type of burn he is banging on about though, the tobacco one.
While listening to Ben I had a metal scourer in my hand which was being occasionally dipped in a bleach/water solution, it was being used to scrub the tiles. Am on the last space, the floor, having a bloody good time scrubbing.
Cleaned the crap out of the toilet first, it was a really shitty job …. No, not really, it was quite clean, gave it a good going over a few days ago. We have a new guest coming tomorrow, making the place welcoming in all the ways it needs to be welcoming. A space where it is clear love and care live.
Scrubbing shit, cleaning, raking leaves, pushing a lawnwomer are all tasks that many people need to do, even washing the dishes.
Washing the dishes was my first step into loving cleaning, had to do it so do it properly I figured. Firstly just learned to do it well, pay attention to what was being done. While, of course, making it fun, listening to music, singing, a little dance. No cannabis, this was before she returned to my life. Occasionally a little dance with Sarah, other occasionally interrupted when the dance turned into romance.
Doing the dishes became alright, enjoyed it, applied the learnings to all the other shit, i.e. scrubbing the shower and toilet, gardening, my world, beautiful beautiful world.
Cleaning uses every muscle, getting stuck into the shower gets the breath rate going a little too, everything one needs to build a fitness base. Then there is the dancing or whatever floats your boat. Dancing, just one of the best of the best activities for moving heaps of muscles, picking up the breathing and having a bloody good time.
For me, this is the life I choose, my final ambition, the life where I stay at home with my children, look after the place. Cook, clean, maintain the garden, ensure the home is always home. A space where my partner can experience the life she needs to and know she is welcome home, where her family is always taken beautiful care of.
So, choose something, and master it, work to master it. Part of the mastery is understanding the foundations, the necessities of life, one is never too high society to clean, cook and fix machines. Leaning to love this shit, regardless of ambitions, is a huge part of the foundation to a value-based existence.
More basics
Have introduced Kaisa and Randy, mentioned they are the two beautiful people am staying with. However, one is completely full of shit, is projecting control in the many ways she complains about it forcefully being projected on her. The other a people pleaser, will only speak impeccably and live in integrity to the point it suits his people pleasing.
Buddies, this is not speaking impeccably or living in integrity at all. Which is the main point to this basic.
Look in the mirror, stand there naked or in your underwear and look at your whole body. Is it healthy? Be honest, is that thing you are looking at healthy?
Next, that person in front of you who you are talking about health with, is their body healthy? Is it healthier than mine.
If your answer to question one is no, this should be your life focus right now and only it, nothing else.
If your answer to question two is yes then maybe that is the person you should be listening to on the topic rather than spitting rubbish after rubbish out of your own. How do you know it is rubbish? Well, easy, firstly you looked in the mirror and let yourself see the truth.
When you are fat, hold excess adipose tissue at all this should be your primary priority and it only, fixing the shell, moving the fucking machine.
Talking about fucking minerals and metals in the water, ginseng, this supplement, that alternative option, another diet, veganism and all the other mentally retarded shit when your body is unhealthy is the stupidest of all stupid shit.
This snot fills your head with snot and it stays there, you become even too ignorant to see the image in the damn mirror. But you don’t, you’re just too much of a pussy to look in the first place.
Two things are all you need fatties, they are the only things.
A balanced and clean diet. This means a variety of foods from all of the major food groups. Especially eating as many colours in the vegetable and fruits family as possible. Removing the preservatives and unnatural crap.
Two, moving your lazy as fuck body in all ways. Getting a sweat up, making the muscles sore, working them easy and working them hard. Making sure the breath rate is increased regularly. Lifting, pushing and pulling heavy shit. Using this phenomenal fucking machine, just using it.
When the above are not your first steps to a better life then everything else you are doing is purely bullshit. Crap you have filled your head with to excuse yourself from doing anything effective in any way, exusing yourself from taking any responsibility for yourself. To allow yourself to continue to be the lazy slob being reflected in the mirror.
Keep it fucking simple stupids.
Gym basics
So, our health is starting to improve, confidence is at levels unseen since childhood, the body becoming beautiful is the bounty. A bounty I can see right in front of my eyes, in my own mirror, it is me.
Time to hit the gym!
The gym, she is a very intimidating place, especially when you have pricks like Fred who stand on fit balls doing exercises, does his squats standing on the ball too. At the moment not quite where he was, but conditioning himself back there.
Which folks, is your key to the gym, condition yourself first. Keep it simple, stop listening to dumbshits and deadshits. You go to the gym to move your body so move your fucking body.
People, please, seriously. When you can grab hold of the lumps of fat around your body and you are trying to get fit and healthy the very last thing you need to do is follow bulk up muscle shit. First you need to bulk the fuck down.
That bulk you have currently is not bulk at all, it is a jelly pudding. It is not bulk or strength or attractive or any other positive word. It is yuck.
We need to get rid of a majority of that shit first. And, moore importantly, we need to enjoy what we are doing, we need to enjoy the gym.
The boredest faces in the gym are the overweight group following the rubbish everyone is telling them; gotta do sets and reps like this, have a two to three minute break in between, and repeat.
Now, people, intelligent people, be intelligent people for this convo at least, it’ll help.
Today, Norbergs spent 45 minutes in the gym. The time included a brief warm up, five minutes of deciding what to do and then three supersets.
Supersets, can come in a shitload of forms. Norge keeps it simple, and he is as strong and fit as buggery so this is what he wants to maintain, following the standard guidelines of most would be useless at his stage, as it is equally useless for you in the beginnner phase.
Key simplicity, the upper levels of fitness and strength require the body to be worked harder and harder for small gains, at the lower end you just need to move your whole body more and more for large gains. Same process, different outcomes, outcomes which you do not lose the motivation to continue at the top end of fitness.
The power pointy end is a phenomenal place to be, just phenomenal. Yes, you want to be there even though your lazy as fuck head is saying no I don’t. Of course you do, dumbshit, what you actually don’t want to do is anything that takes effort, you are a lazy slob, can’t be denied.
The upper ends of strength and fitness come with some phenomenally beautiful outcomes, there is no greater benefit in this world; no matter what opportunity is presented to Frederick he will say yes or no based on whether it is somethig he gives a fuck about doing or not. Everest included, he does not give a fuck about it, climbed many a ridiculously high mountain.
He will not say ‘no, I am not fit enough’, he will not say ‘I’m too frightened of this or that’, he will not say ‘I don’t have the time to train’, he will not say any excuse in the world. No, Fred will say either ‘yes, I want to, count me in’, or ‘no, I do not want to, count me out.’
The last two paragraphs, read them again, understand it. Honestly, any challenge on this earth you can think of, all the ones there is absolutely no hope of you achieving based on your current and historical fitness and fear levels, then imagine just saying yes. Saying yes without any doubt in your being you can do it, any doubt in your being you will love it, any doubt in your being at all.
Fucking imagine it, if you can.
So, first time gym users make it fun for fuck sake. Enjoy it.
45-minutes in the gym, all but 10 of them were spent moving, there was only resting between sets and between each exercise on the last set. Body moving non-stop, having a great bloody effective time.
Warm-up – walked 10 or more minnutes to the gym, a few minutes doing light bodyweight exercises to get the heartrate up a bit more and the limbs a bit warmer.
Set one – find a weight where you can do 20 repetitions of each of the first four exercises, the last two or three repetitions should start to feel heavy. No stopping in between exercises;
Set 1;
- chin-ups/pull-ups, or using the machines that offer assistance, or another that replicates the action
- chest press exercise – whichever one
- Rowing exercise, Google upright row or bent-over row, anything like this
- tricep push exercise, any of them
Core routine, is part of set one, no break before starting ab section and no break between activities. The numbers below are to be worked up to, start with what you can achieve now and not where you are hoping to reach in the future. When achieving them consistently start to alter to your own ideas;
- 50 (work up to it, for now until it gets sore) crunches, sit-ups or ideally crunches with leg extension. Want to consistently be able to reach 50 crunches with leg extension.
- 20 mountain climbers
- 20 Russian twists
- 25 two-sided supermans
- 25 one-sided supermans
Set two;
Same as set one, reduce the repetitions to 10 and increase the weight so repetitions, 8, 9 and 10 are getting difficult.
Core set – simple core exercises and building to more complicated; dead bugs, planks, side-blanks, sitting/kneeling/standing on fitball. This is the set where we want to really get stuck into activating heaps of core shit so al of it works together to work for you. Even the stopping oneself from shitting and pissing muscle contraction for a few minutes would be fantastic.
Set three;
Same again but this time reducing repetitions to five and the weight should be difficult at repetition two, number five almost impossible to lift. This time have a 90 second break between each exercise.
Core, repeat set one core routine.
The whole way through there should be sweat, heavy breathing, it should feel like a bit of a cardio workout. Most importantly, you are not going to sit there like every other novice bored out of your brain doing shit that functionally gets you nowhere. The gym is made to move your body, so fucking move it, make it fun, it is possible to enjoy!
The exercises too, there is a theme, see it? Pull, push, pull, push. Muscles pull and push, their main actions, so we need to pull and push too. Practical stuff.
What about biceps Narrator? Good question, but terrible question. Bicep curls, bicep this, bicep that are absolutely useless, they are nothing but a ‘look at me, look at me‘ thing and offer nothing functional. Just like shoulders they are being used in every exercise already in a fucktonne of different ways, no need to do more here. Just concentrate on the shit that matters and you’ll be right.
The main shit that matters is simply you being able to walk up a big fuck-off hill and back in a few hours without complaining. Really, this should be the baseline for health, nothing else. Like, seriously, if you are under 65 and you are not one of the one in 10,000 people who have an actual real excuse for why they cannot exercise or get fit you have no excuse other than being a lazy oxygen-thieving fat neglectful slob.
Yes mate, you are neglectful, the worst neglect of all, that which you do to yourself. Fuckin’ hell I wish you knew what love is, heartbreaking how you all hate yourself so much you won’t even look after yourself in the most basic and simple of ways.
Leg day
Leg day? What’s that!
No, really, what is it?
It’s not a lot of fun, it hurts, and because of it leg day gets a bad rap, I dislike it intensely. Needs to be done but personally have removed it and substituted shit I enjoy instead.
Hills are a great leg day activity, as are stairs. The best of the best however, and it is kind of cheat mode without being cheating, is MMA and dancing.
You know this, I know this, we all know this. Collectively these two demographics of people have the most phenomenally beautiful bodies in the world. More importantly their balance is through the roof, their cores are as strong as strong can be.
These activities shed the weight, condition and define the body, and are super fun. It’s the key to exercise and getting healthy, find shit you enjoy and do that.
Balance, we focus on it a lot for a good reason, it is the secret to a great life, great body, great mind. Especially older people, the better your balance the less you fall, reducing the opportunities for significant injury and surgery to replace shit that comes with aging.