I receive a message from Grindr, it is what has motivated me to write this post now.
The message came from a profile, no photos in the profile and none sent with the contact. The message is coming from the mysterious Mr. Swallow Loads.
‘Can I swallow your load?’ Seriously, happens all the time. Or fat messes will see my four photos, photos of a well-groomed and physiqued man, send a message with two photos of the opposite, bar the man part, or is it, I’m not this thing. It says with its fat mess unshowered message, ‘u like’, not even a full stop or question mark, it was a you definitely like it.
‘No, bud.’ Fucking hell.
But it’s also why I love women so much. Never ever in my life has a woman approached me in this seedy way, not ever. Not even on the internet.
When they do so on the internet, I know their nect question is going to be asking me to transfer money for a taxi, and then oops, I missed it but I had to pay anyway, can you send some more, that type of thing.
Men, all the fucking time, if I had as many women hit on me as I do men my cock would definitely be broken by now, is that possible? Breaking your dick from too much sex? I’d like to find out! Woman, and sex, fucking love it, but we will get back to that.
Nightclubs, internet, parks, going for a walk, tripping balls on mushrooms in the middle of fucking nowhere in the Netherlands, men hit on me everywhere. So much middle of nowhere I needed a campervan to stay there.
An hour into my trip, mushroom trip, six or so hours still to go, by a river, on a country road with a beautiful walking trail next to me. This is where I am, an hour into a high dose mushroom trip. I go for a walk, a guy is there, I thought this is very strange considering I have not seen another vehicle in hours.
I arrive back at the campervan, there is another guy, speaking broken English, make a sign with his fist pumping towards and away from his mouth, his tongue pushing up against the side of his cheek as he does it, ‘you want Gobbie?’ Ummm, no thankyou.
The next six hours I had upwards of thirty vehicles inspect the campervan, I closed it all up, it was fucking funny, so fucking funny. This was a gay pickup spot, men just went here to be pincushions for one another, it was one of the most pathetic things I have participated in.
Car after car stopped and shone their lights in, groups of men would walk around inspecting the vehicle speaking their language, it was creepy as creepy can be. I have never been near this creeped out by a woman in my life.
Just one of the many stories inspiring this heading, the most beautiful of beatiful stufff in my world. At the very top of the list os the other half of our species, the feminine. Fuck I love this thing.
Fuck I love fucking this thing, but mostly I just love this thing, so let us continue.
The most beautiful face there has ever been
There is only one face that has come into my world, not just the face but the being of this person, that to me is the pinnacle of all beauty pinnacles. I challenge any woman to challenge me on this one 🙂 please do, please really do!
This beautiful thing, in Darwin, worked together for a little bit. Had an awkward hug one night at a staff christmas party and a much less awkward one a long time after we thought we would never see each other again. Neither of us actually thought that I don’t think, well, I didn’t anyway.
The last I saw this thing was at the theatre in Darwin, the last time I was iun Darwin, she was with her friend, and her physically beautiful boyfriend. Know nothing about the boyfriend, but his beauty did not surprise me.
The only real interaction we ever had was about Michael Jackson, a couple of other hot topics at the time too, like COVID. She had ended a relationship, possibly this one, because her partner refused to get the jab. She dropped him like a sack of potatoes on the efficacy, people being killed by COVID and needing the vaccination to stop all out demise narrative, the primary tool for the fear of it all, socialising, conditioning.
After the Michael Jackson conversation, I wanted to continue, her stuckness in ways annoyed me, ego was still part of my life. But, then, she said Fred, I’ve actually started to look Michael a little differently now.
Both of these examples are the beauty in this woman, whether the first is the same boyfriend or not. Let us, for the sake of the argument say it is. This being her boyfriend is part of the being, the foundation of her true beauty, the ridiculously intimidating thing I see when I look at her.
Just the ability to listen, reflect, and be open to a change of view, to coming at the world from a different angle, nothing more. It is all her beauty is, she fits my learned definition of beauty in every way, but it is the ability to participate openly in conversation that mattered.
The beauty is the ability to have a real conversation with this person. A real conversation requires reflection, openness to change, the ability to stand up when I need to. She does all this, has given examples in everything I know about her, she is the pinnacle of beauty.
I don’t want anything more from her, to have this memory of this creature is enough. But, still, having said that I sure would like to fuck her.
These are two of the beautiful things with women, sex is just the best number one. But number two, the general openness towards looking at the world differently from the constant repetitive rhetoric, the only rhetoric most know.
Jerking Off
Absolutely love masturbating, just love it. At the moment it is better than any sex I have ever had, there is just about nothing, with the exception of sex funnily, inside my body getting in the way of orgasms. They are crazy.
The best type of crazy!
I’m a bit scared to be honest about having sex again, my ribs hurt after jerking off. Futhermore, I know beyond doubt that in times past I loved spanking the salami equally as much, even when orgasms didn’t come with fear of a rib fracture. Orgasms with women did that!
So now my masturbation is at my ex-sex level in its awesomeness, sometimes it actually hurts to orgasm (in the best way of course). So, with this, I am a bit worried about sex again, I might have to wear some type of a brace…..
This all started with a phishing email I received an hour ago. I didn’t really, two weeks ago almost, I haven’t checked my span for some time until today, was the one email in there.
The email was threatening to expose me to everybody for my porn and wanking, moreso the subject of it. It advised that it had recorded me, my porn activity and was going to release it to the world if I did not pay in 48 hours. The email said they, God in this case, had been monitoring my every usage through spyware for months.
I thought to myself, well if you were really monitoring me then you know for damn sure I do not give a fuck about you exposing me. Clearly not, you’d know beyond doubt I am exposing myself, you’re a dumb cunt God.
Anyway, my porn history is the type that I would happily share with the world. In fact, I am going to.
I watch porn maybe once a week, or twice. I don’t need it, my memory is phenomenal, people I have had sex with multiple times, more than multiple I remember every detail about them. I can bring myself into a spce where I feel my penis in Sarah, Emma, Anna, Jessica, Amanda, and other names vaginas, mouths, arses, hands, between their thighs and tits, more locations. Actually.
I still feel the vagina’s wetness, it’s tightness, the way it reacts to my cock. I feel it all. I feel Emma, I feel her surgery, I feel the part of the muscle which does not activate like all the others. Yeah, I feel it, there is no need for porn. But, I love porn, new wank bank material, just hearing the moan of woman regardless of how fake it sometimes is.
Beautiful bodies, safe exploration. It is all appealing. Safe though, nothing that stems from violence do I participate in. For example, there is no reason to put my hand around your throat, or vice-versa, with the exception of violence. There is no reason for it, try to justify it any other way to violence with me, we will see.
So, even porn, I turn it off, the specific video off the moment someone puts their hand around another’s throat. Not only that it is easy to lose all motivation for sex afterwards. If you have seen the outcomes, particularly of woman victims to men strangling them, you would not participate in this shit either.
Unless you’re a fuckhead of course, like Sarah. I said no to this twice the last time we had sex, terrible sex, before the third I got out of bed and fucked off. She is a nurse in a population of ridiculously high domestic violence and is encouraging this shit. It’s not the worst rubbish her and the friend groud encouraged though, but we will come back to that another time.
Pornhub.com I always use this, no other site. I have never had a virus from the site and I have as much trust as I can that all the videos are both legal and consensual. I can’t do any better than this with my porn usage. Anything from this point is fair game I reckon, but again, I am pretty consistent in the searches.
Porn and TheGroundskeeper are the only two things I use the incognito tab for on the tablet. I’m not ashamed, I’ll tell you all about it, clearly. I use the internet for three things repetitively, the blog, sports scores and porn. Nothing else. It is extremely rare I research or do anything else, everything here is in my head. Yeah I’m challenging myself on this.
So, were a client to use my tablet and I accessed porn in the normal window, well my search history may not be comfortable simply because it is porn. TheGroundskeeper, I keep the actual site up in incognito when I write allowing me to swap between the two very quickly to review for readability and make necessary changes.
My porn also includes a lot of Google image/gifs too. Search terms like, ‘Miley Cyrus Hot’, ‘Myley Cyrus Nude’, ‘Dua Lipa Mini Bikini’, ‘Hot trans hard-cock’, that type of thing.
Pornhub, almost no different. I love Miley’s body, it’s similar to Sarah’s, clearly I like this frame, my porn reflects this. I like women my own age, so things like MILF, Cougar, step-Aunt and shit come into it. I am also learning, and enjoying, the same sex side of sex, so there is some gay porn there too, mainly Trans but I love great bodies, I don’t discriminate on this one.
Then, yeah, you may have recorded me Mr. Phishing God but you’d also know that I had recorded me too. Shared a few videos myself, the same ones you are talking about sharing, dumbass.
But these guys aren’t dumbasrses, simply scum preying on the collective fear. I bet these tools think they are warriors for a better world.
The Right Timing
As much as I don’t want to do this right now it is necessary that I do. As much as I want to sleep with you Woman, I need to make it as hard for you as possible to want to sleep with me.
I’ve already made it hard but not completely hard. There is one more discrimination here, porn and masturbating above, the cheesiest of dating platforms, my circumstances. Still, one more for us to talk about.
Timing is important, I want to tell you the beautiful stuff about you now, flatter you a bit, but first you need to understand even that flattery comes with full honesty. I’m not just trying to tickle your tinkle, while absolutely trying to. I want to do it honestly, so first I have to be honest.
Timing though, I had a struggle with this today. One of the dogs I am looking after ended up 15 kilometres away in Launceston, my comment in the first phone call was only that is impossible. It definitely seemed it, particularly given the fact it is the dog I nicknamed WInnie-the-Pooh instead of the other who is literally Tigger on high doses of speed.
The second, she was at home, Winnie was the one on the adventure.
I’m at the owner’s Mum’s place funnily enough when I get back to the car and am greeted to eight missed phone calls. I call back, really poor reception, could only just understand them. Made it through the phone call, didn’t tell them how she got out.
The dog is alright by this stage, she is home and inside.
I’m driving to drop a car home, get there and talk to the bloke for a while. During the visit the owner of the house calls, I only have a tablet and no phone, the only option I have is speaker. We say hello, and I’m about to say that I left Coco outside with snacks and that is how she got out before my friend starts talking.
She tells me that the wind might have pushed the door open and it is how Coco got out. When their friend checked on the place he just pushed the door and it opened, I am told on the call it happens occasionally. She finished speaking and I say cool, see ya. I didn’t tell herr the truth.
Occasion two, I was in the middle of a conversation when the call came through, usually I would let it go but it was important I answered this one. I had one opportunity to make the phone call quick, speak first or speak later. I was too late to speak first, I spoke later.
I chose to wait because the conversation in both circumstances wasn’t safe, we couldn’t understand each other. The first one I couldn’t understand them, the second I wasn’t alone and couldn’t give her my full attention to expand on the conversation.
As soon as I got the opportunity I corrected it. Took responsibility for the dog and gave my reasons for not telling them straight away, it’s the best I could do. I waited thirty minutes from leaving my mates, pulled over on the way home to send these guys a message when I found the right words. Leave these things and they fester.
So, I’m not going to flatter you if there is then a chance this will fester. I’ll fester first and invite you to stick around for the flatter.
Prostitution. In a country like Australia using legitimate services and advertising platforms there is absoluitely no safer way to explore sexuality, for any sex.
This is a profession, you don’t have to go here and get your things fingered, flogged, flapped, flipped, fucked and sucked. You can talk to these people, when it comes to sex there is no better guide, really there isn’t. Ask these guys anything about the discipline and they will very likely have an answer, or if they don’t point you in the right direction of someone who can.
Have an old army mate who had a burning desire for someone to shit on him. Most of the professionals he met said no but eventually he was pointed in the direction of someone who said yes. He got it done, out of his system. I don’t know about you but this isn’t part of my desire to participate in from any perspective. If you are with me and want to try this I am going to point you straight into the direction of prostitutes.
I’m not going to sit there and watch either, you’re safe with these guys.
Prostitution in Australia is safe, so much more so than a night on the piss. You go sober, get a root, go home, remember it, wank bank material for the next 15 years. My one night stands, I don’t remember any of them, fuck all about them at all.
Remember one women who said boring when I rolled her onto her back, before I even did anything. Turns out she wanted to do all the work. Fair enough, off you go love.
Dumb shit, poor communication leading to awkward moments, condoms being removed without both parties giving it full thought, or thought that came from their brain is more to the point.
Or just completely, all of a sudden, out of the blue losing a boner in less time than it takes Superman to get changed as I entered the woman’s vadge. Really awkward, nothing could be done to get the blood back.
Nothing about these nights stayed in my wank bank or memory. Hangovers stuck in my memory, an empty wallet, awkward exchanges but bugger all else.
Most of the hookers I have been with have been firmly imprinted, there have been a few, no records. I like women and sex, I don’t like pubs and crowds, I don’t hit on women or put myself in places I don’t want to be just to meet them. It is really difficult and I love women, I can pay for it, so sometimes I do. Bugger all, but I have and, through everything I know, may again.
What I know however beyond doubt from my experience is there is no intimacy in a service, this is a service. It is equally valid and reputable as any other service. A service provides a need or a want. Cinema is the same, simply a want if you only see prostitution as a want. You are a service, you give yourself to something for money, whatever it is. You collect a wage, pay tax, you are giving yourself, no matter what you ply.
It’s the same thing.
There being no intimacy in a service doesn’t mean they can’t be fun. I know both, from personal experience, that a prostitute can have a real orgasm with a client and can also be on the phone talking to someone else in a language the client does not understand while he tries not to laugh.
She was hot though, kept the motivation, just waited until she finished to finish!
I’m not going to them now because I’m not interested in just blowing my load, I’m interested in the intimacy that comes with it. It’s the freedom to be who we are together that makes the intimacy. The best sex, the very best has been a version of this freedom.
I’ll talk about my examples along the way, you’ll see I’m not attempting to make myself out to be some type of a hero. I’ll talk about the experiences relevant to understand the overarching topic here, sexuality.
Sexuality is our topic, my sexial partners are the villains, mainly villainesses, both past and present. Sexuality, we need to understand this a little more together, stop getting so angry and upset over something so simple and beautiful.
All I would like you to remember as we continue, regardless of your current gender, is that prostitution is an option available to you to safely explore the sexual interests in your head, explore some of my examples. There is no shame in wanting to explore yourself safely, in fact there is no better motivation.
Prositution itself however will be minimal in the discussion. It would barely take up 0.5% of my total sexual experiences, the non-prostitution catchment provides many more examples.
Catchment group in science basically means your target audience. Here for me it is women and sex, well people and sex. I haven’t had sex with a person who identifies as a man yet however, or anything but woman.
Gender Choice
Gender we choose it, biology we do not, I have introduced the concept already.
Biology and gender choice needs to be separated so we can stop separating ourselves because of their tether to one another. Biology: vas deferens, ovaries, spermatic cord, uterus. There are clear differences between masculine and feminine biology when it comes to our groins.
There are other differences too. For example, post puberty a person with masculine biology will have a lot more testosterone running around in their blood, while oestrogen and progesterone for the feminine. These hormones are significant, particularly when it comes to the sports field. Testosterone is a major driving force in a male’s ability to get big, to be pure power, Usain Bolt for example.
Oestrogen and progesterone on the other hand make it harder for a person to bulk up, they are designed to prepare a woman’s body for childbirth. This comes with things a child needs, a little extra fat for example, women naturally hold more fat than men. It’s a matter of biology, we cannot fight this, it is what it is.
Women are also generally much smaller than men, it’s part of the design, all the above plays a part, again it is what it is.
It is important to note here that women also produce testosterone naturally, men progesterone and oestrogen, in both cases at much low levels than the opposite sex.
Progesterone, and this will need some fact checking, I learnt it in University 13 or so years ago. A teenage boy going through puberty can have unstable amounts of progresterone in their blood system. This instability can play havoc on their ability to stay still. Basically, from what I understand, it can build up to a level that the boy needs to move and release it, shake it out, otherwise they can become disruptive.
There is potential that the boy, or boys, in your classroom are experiencing some of this progesterone based restlessness. To come back to rest they simply need to be allowed to get it out of their system, give off a burst of energy. Give it a go teachers, see if it works, send the restless boy for a couple of laps around the oval and see if things get better when he returns.
I assume that once puberty is completed the levels balance themselves out.
All the above, it’s what we have to work through with gender choice. We have to know that my choice doesn’t change my biology. Nothing does, not even surgery, the basic frame of you will always be the machine as it entered this world.
My choice, gender choice, is very simple. You meet me and I do not need to tell you I am a man. I present it and project it in everyway, it would be confusing for me to call myself anything else so I identify as male.
I am a long way from being the stereotype of the male but I represent it because of what I project to the world, what I choose to project/express/say/write/body language/sing/mime. I do all that shit and then choose man, not the other way around.
Which is the problem currently, everybody chooses their gender and then tries to make sure everybody else knows it. They try to convince themselves they know it too. But, you don’t know it, not at all, and the people that you interact with do not know it either because you make it confusing. You are the gender you choose most of the time but then at other times you are not. Effectively you are only partially projecting that thing that you say you are, it is confusing.
It is confusing because you are confused. You are trying to live up to a stereotype, a story of what the thing you want should be. You are not a stereotype. You are you, just you. The key, the most important part, be you first, just you completely for you. Get to know you completely, express nothing but it to the world and then see which category you fit into.
When you live this way nobody can get to you when they argue your choice, this or any other. You’ll say I know when they are correct, when you don’t fit the mantle, but it doesn’t bother you. It won’t get to you at all, should they push you on your decision you’ll simply do what I have done here, educate them on living their own life rather than trying to be a dictionary.
Serious Harm – Biology vs Choice
Serious harm can come with fighting choice, particularly when choice has nothing to do with what is happening in your body.
You identify as a man and you have female biology, so be it. A pain starts to develop in your abdomen, stomach area, it gets worse and worse until it is unbearable, you make your way to the emergency room.
Entering emergency you give them your basics, gender, I’m a male and I have serious pain in my abdomen. You don’t tell them you were born a female.
The pain is generally associated to ovaries, a pain that means something significant is wrong, the ovaries need to be taken out. You fight it because you are a man and men do not have ovaries.
You continue the ignorant argument while the doctors try to help, they get nowhere. They cannot, you are misleading them with your fighting and misunderstanding of what is inside your body.
You die.
Nothing more needs to be added.
Debating Sexuality
From gender to sexuality, well this is where we want to be anyway.
I’m straight, my interest is dominated by the feminine, absolutely dominated. I like nice bodies and I want to explore myself for me rather than limit myself because of the rubbish I am expected to be for the world around me. I want to know if something is good or not for myself, a story from you is not evidence in any way whatsoever.
Particularly when most of those stories are coming from people who have never tried that thing for themselves, are homophobes, like my older brother. Having a relative, a sister, who is gay does not automatically make a person okay with it. My older brother is a clear example of this. If he knew I was having sex with men, well, I’m glad I’m not there listenting to the rubbish.
I had a debate with a moron about sexuality, my choice, a little while ago. I ended up telling the bloke he is a weak piece of shit that adds no value to this world. Fucking hell mate, I hope you do not have and never have children, the final line delivered so clearly it could not be mistook.
He was calling me a poofta, I was like okay but let’s explore this a little bit. I kept it simple.
Buddy, I have been with 100 people, thereabouts, I do not know the number, I do not count. Out of these 100 people, two have had a penis. Only one of them did I have full sex with, the other we fooled around but cocks did not enter arses.
My sexual activity is 98% with women.
I have had sex, penis in either vaginas or arses at least 2500 times, a guess, one of these have been with someone who has a cock. What does the math work out to be here? .04%? Remembering not including other sexual activity, just cocks and pussies and arses.
‘Yeah, you’ve fucked a man, you’re a faggot.’
Okay bud, does this mean that if a homosexual has had 98% of their sexual activity with the same sex and 2% with the opposite then then they are straight?
‘No, they’re faggots too.’
But how does that work?
‘It works because you’re a faggot and are embarrassed that you are a faggot and cannot admit that you are a faggot.’ This bloke needed me to be a faggot clearly.
I didn’t continue, said the line I started off with here and walked away laughing at the tool.
Another conversation of pure ignorance, which is 98% plus of the conversations I have about sexuality. None of it is choice, it is all attachment, trying to get attention. So, if you do not understand this chapter, we are going to make sure you do in the one’s that follow.
P.S.
I wrote the last two chapters and a couple of other bits without Cannbis or any drugs. I can function that way too. Putting it out there.
Crocs
Maybe one more discrimination. I was gifted a pair of Crocs that were left at a property, fit absolutely perfectly. Had never wore a pair before, they are great, especially with socks. I wear them to town sometimes, they are bright green, cannot be missed.
Left the worst to last, get through the jacking, backing and paying and you are presented with this. Sorry, not sorry, have to make it as hard as possible!
The Frame
Sarah, Miley, Dua Lipa, Emma, many others. I really like this frame, in fact it was a big part of the reason Sarah and I were as active sexually as we were.
It’s not skinny, there is meat, the muscle definition is the thing that gets my blood boiling so to speak. The female body with definition, with female abs, there is nothing more beautiful to my eyes. Absolutely nothing in this world. I am meant to be attracted to this thing, it is part of my animal makeup. Nothing at all, no scenery, no river, no mushroom is as beautiful as you woman.
Sarah, were she to get in contact with me for the intention of doing nothing but rooting my last few weeks away in Australia together I’d be on the next available flight, I have the capacity, don’t have to be anywhere. Her body, I adore this thing, I know it better than I know my own almost, I’d love to continue getting to know it.
I got a bit sick of her constant contact after we broke up, like years later, to the point where I said ‘mate, you have to stop doing this, contacting me, I have said no so many times to further contact. If you are going to continue contacting me for anything other than practical reasons, which there is no need for now, I ask you send photos. Give me something I want, can use at least.’
It took some convincing but she did. No nudes, nothing like that, wasn’t what I was asking for. I was asking for new scenarios and clothing alteration to put my old memories in, update them a little bit!
I used none of them however, deleted them within days, tried to use them to fantasize but couldn’t. Just a pose in every photo. One Isued actually, the only one without a pose was beautiful, her true smile, it stayed. I assume she is at a restaurant on a date based on the look that she was giving her company, one she regularly gave me.
Her smile, this woman’s smile, the second most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I saw it daily for seven years, every day, no matter what, I managed to make her smile at least once. Highlight of my day every time, no matter how many times it happened.
Only one I currently know is more beautiful, it really did light the whole world up. Belonged to a phenomenally beautiful face and person too, Jacqui, another mate from Catholic Care.
Even the photo highlighting her phenomenal, PHENOMENAL, abdominal region I did not use, the pose destroyed it.
Photo’s in general, I don’t keep them, I do not share them without consent. Nobody has ever given me consent, I have never and would never use them as a ransom, I saw the effects of this on Sarah.
Her scumbag ex-boyfriend threatened to release photos online of her that he took or she shared with him in confidence. It was awful, just horrible. Sarah was, and had every right to be, extremely frightened. Nothing ridiculous or in the realms other than two people consenting to sex, but they were private photos taken and shared in trust. Poor women, nothing I could do to support her, I didn’t know how. All I could do was listen as she did what she needed to do, horrible horrible man. Joel, that’s this piece of shit’s name.
I delete them all as soon as I have committed to memory what I want to. Nothing do I keep, nothing shared through the dating apps, nothing at all. None of myself even.
Sarah and I went through a lot together, she was there when my Dad died. Talk about confusing for everybody. Our relationship overall was beautiful, really beautiful. Dumb shit got in the way which I am going to highlight but she tried, I tried, we did our best. The shit I point out Sarah will be the main target of, she is my primary relationship example, my experience is the tool I use to educate, please remember this.
Also remember that every day she gets her arse out of bed, sometimes that getting out of bed is at 8 or 9pm and goes to work in a job that comes with terrible conditions, poor pay, and she is abused almost every moment of her working life by people whose lives she is trying to save. Far out, the way she was treated, likely continues to be by the people she gave her life to everyday, we humans as a collective should be ashamed of ourselves. Absolutely ashamed.
Sarah, I love you buddy, thank you for being a part of my life.
More on the pose and photos
Back to the posing, never once in any of our time together did Sarah pull any of the faces or contort herself into any of the positions she did in these photos, and she contorted into some positions during our time. You’re just going to have to believe me on this one!
She was always beautiful when we were together, always, no matter what until she wasn’t. The wasn’t came with a new group of friends, we’ll come back to them another time. But, even through that she was mostly beautiful when it was just the two of us.
A high percentage of our time we were just our natural selves together, were happy enough in our own company, she was beautiful. The poses, there is nothing natural about this, trying to be what others need you to be when you never look like that, or any version of that in your everyday life. It’s just a lie, just an absolute lie you are telling the world, especially your potential online dating matches.
You start with a lie and expect something real, how does that make sense?
Taking photo’s shits my to tears, just to tears. I know I have to take them for dating apps but god it shits me. I set up an app that takes photos at intervals and then do my life as I do, get my photos from that. I’m not very successful with the apps but that is the words I write rather than the picture I present. Get positive feedback on all parts of the latter.
The natural woman, as she is, just the most beautiful of beautiful things. You’re it too buddy, if you have a vagina, that’s you too, the most beautiful of beautiful things, please stop hiding it behind all the pathetic posing.
In fact, posing, all of yours, just like Sarah’s is the ugliest fucking thing in this world, right alongside cruelty. God you are ugly Sarah and all women, men too, when you pose.
Homo Turisticus
I really want to stop talking about photos. I don’t know if you know this, they shit me. A few final comments.
Eckhart Tolle talks about the evolution from homo sapien to homo turisticus beautifully, I recommend checking the talk out on YouTube. It’s a big part of what I want to say but don’t have to because he has already, did it pretty well too, I don’t need to try and replicate.
There is nothing real in a photo, nothing at all. It does not move, have a smell, have anything other than ink on paper. All photos are dead things, however unlike a dead thing photos do not continue to give back to the world in which they came from. Instead, they distract everything that interacts with them from that world.
Your screen in between you and the environment is not experiencing the environment, you are experiencing a screen, a tiny little screen and nothing else. This is the whole life of many, tourists number one and then some. In the most beautiful places in the whole world and you do not experience a moment of it, live only inside a miniature screen, 9 inches at maximum.
Sarah and I were at Milford Sound in New Zealand, look it up. 15 or so kilometres before the sound itself is a famous blowhole. Wet and shitty days it goes off, dry beautiful sunny days it goes off too but you have to wait for it. 15 minutes maximum in between this thing blowing its top.
The noise that came from the hole, the spray, the general craziness in the water. It was worth the wait.
Two tourists come along, they wait 15 seconds, how long do we have to wait to see it? A tourist from another party replies, ’15 minutes at maximum, blew a few minutes ago, can’t be too far away now.
Can we see the best photo on your camera please? The same tourist who replied about waiting shows them the picture on a tiny little camera screen, one of the tourists grabs out her camera, zooms into the little screen, clicks, looks at her screen and then they leave!
Homo Turisticus strikes again.
I first knew Emma was in Tassie through Tinder. Emma was my last intimate partner back in 2022, we then ran into one another at the Deloraine markets.
Emma is the perfect example of the lies in this rubbish. Her first photo was a photo she was using when we were friends in Darwin, four or five years ago, it is a beautiful photo, an arty almost one. It can be a pass if it is the only photo like this. All of them were the same in some way, nothing recent at all.
I wasn’t expecting to run into Emma, but if I did I was expecting some version of what she presented on the app while knowing full well I would not get it, again none of the photos were recent, I already knew this. When I saw Emma she was not the photos, not at all, this is a different person. She has presented a lie and then expects people to treat her with respect and dignity, it doesn’t work like this. You present a lie and you get a lie in return, you will be abused and you will abuse, both of you will try to control eachother until it breaks apart or you break one another.
It is my motivation to continue taking photos, I am not using any dating app at the moment. I have deleted all but two photos of myself, they’ll be deleted soon. Both recent, if I want a last minute toe dip in online dating again I can without hesitation. Both photos present something I am.
I take recent photos and use recent photos only. I show my face, my body, my teeth, my smile, my environment I live in, the activities I love, drugs, everything someone needs to see to start to see me. I show all this because, as mentioned, I set up the tablet on a tripod, press start on a photo interval tool and live my life. The activities mentioned, what I present is what I love, I am doing it, actually doing it as I take photos, I am sharing my life with you already, giving you truth, showing you respect.
You do not give me the same respect. Nobody, including yourself, do you give this same respect. I have met very few people from dating profiles who present in person what they do on the screen, one in five or six maybe. You are literally selling a lie and asking for value and fulfillment, how does this work?
You are lying to your audience to get that thing you think you want when you bitched about previous partners lying to you, get where I’m going here?
Emma tells me regarding my profile, that’s not how you do it Fred. ‘I know Emma, I’m not just trying to get a root, I want value in my world or nothing.’
Emma was talking about my words. Yes, my words are very challenging, it is the point. I am not wasting a moment for a moment with you if I cannot be free, if you cannot let me be me, if you cannot be you.
This is my failure in the online dating scene, a failure I will very happily continue, none of you are real or want anything real, you already add no value to my life. I do not waste my life, I will not waste it on you. Value or nothing is my world.
You all want the same thing, the same thing you have held onto your whole life, the same thing that has failed over and over and over again. You cannot deny this bud, the evidence is clear. Effectively, you are doing the same shit over and over again expecting a different result.
The last sentence in the previous paragraph, do you know what this is the defintion of? Insanity.
You want something different, something better, something with value, something sustainable? Well, buddy, you have to approach this shit a different way, possibly the truth way. Who knows, not being lied to and having to lie in return might actually be thing you are looking for.
Might find a little courage in the process, wouldn’t that be nice?
Not my Mona Lisa
Did you know? That did you know has a place in other places than Did you know?
Did you know that the vagina is a muscle? Just like the penis? It’s the really important aspect of knowing how, or having the willingness to work with it. You can make this thing do some crazy cool things when you are patient with it.
Squirting and orgasms, they are just the tip of the ice-berg, the moments leading up to these moments however, they are what makes these things what they are, possible even.
When a woman really gets going, God, get going is not the word that my mood moves into. Full curiosity and explore mode. My curiosity for the world barely compares to my curiosity towards a super horny woman.
Squirting, it happens, you make a woman feel really safe and she might squirt, it’s awesome. Many women don’t squirt, many do, some will leave you not wanting to wash your sheets but knowing that you have to, or it at least dry them, it is not possible to sleep in some of the messes created after great sex. Or just after great oral, finger play, rubbing, teasing.
Sarah recovering her breath on the couch after teaching me how to eat her our properly coincided with me having to take a shower. Only necessary for my face, it was covered, saturated, in punani potpourri.
You bring a women to orgasm when she is in this state and she will fucking scream, moan at decibel levels you did not think possible of this beautiful fragile looking thing in front of you, she will develop a very healthy a-dick-tion. My ears sometimes, I do not give a shit about the ringing afterwards.
To reach this state of orgasm, and through it achieve an equal level of orgasm for yourself you have to allow yourself and your partner to express yourselves freely. The setting must be safe, no must be understood as no, yes as free reign to explore, always remembering to accept another no should it proceed the yes. Trust, you do this, you learn to achieve the above.
The mechanics of the beaver are really fascinating, to learn how this thing works a bit helps you to understand how to work with it. If you know basic terms the guidance system, your partners communicating, will be so much easier.
I’ll introduce the mechanics as we go, for future information, mechanics when it comes to the human body simply means how the thing works. We have movement mechanics, the way the limbs and muscles do their thing, we talk about these aspects with the Obesity chapter. The arteries, nerves, veins, heart, organs and everything work in their way too, the mechanics are different to movement muscles, we open this up with cooking, and exercise. Then there are the other interesting bits, the penis and vagina for example, they come somewhere in between this volunnary and non-voluntary muscle usage, the exploration of the mechanics behind this system we get to discover together here.
A penis, you know it is erect when it is erect, it does not necessarily mean it is horny. A hard cock is not always hard.
A lot of the time a hard penis isn’t there because of sexual interest, they can come out of boredom, being nervous, over-excited, a bunch of things. A hard penis in this case will have bend in it, you can bend the shaft a good amount of degrees before it starts to hurt.
Men, and women, it is not a very well-known fact regarding men’s response to being the victims of rape by other men that the penis often gets hard during the trauma. It is a natural body response, when something rubs on the prostate the penis reacts, a man getting a boner during this situation does not mean he is enjoying himself, or did enjoy himself. He cannot and could not help it.
Science time men, try it yourself. Stick some lube on your finger, jab it up your arse, only four to six centimetres in, move it around a little until you feel a small smooth lump. Rub this lump gently to start with, then apply your technique to suit yourself.
Yeah, finger yourself mate, it’s your body, your property, do what you want with it, explore it!
Finger yourself and see what happens to your penis, to your body. Just like me you’ll probably find it hard to stop fingering yourself!
Have you ever had an orgasm where your penis was not touched for a moment? Came all over your stomach without touching the thing? It is possible, really possible, an amazing different orgasm. Play around enough with that finger and your prostate, that’s what the smooth gland is called, and you’ll understand what I am talking about, dildo’s work too ….
You know a horny penis when it is horny. Women, men and other genders, this is when you want it to fuck you. A hard cock will have a few degrees of bend in it but anything more it will start to hurt, it will feel like an iron bar that is never going to be bent no matter how hard you try.
Through this you know your man is horny, he wants you, you are wanted, this is where he wants to be, you can be you, let some of your inhibitions down. This thing, this horny as hell hard thing in front of me is this way because of me!! Fuck yeah, me.
Vagina is no different at all, except it will never feel like an iron bar. To know whether it is horny though you have to get inside of it, there are outside signs first. Take your time, warm your woman up. If a finger will not go inside her snatch without work your penis will not either, it will hurt her. It may hurt her if she is ready but it is a completely different hurt, she’ll be fine with this one, generally quite excited by it to be honest.
Don’t even try to stick anything in there until it is ready. The first outside sign is this, there will start to be a little smell, a little vagina smell, particularly if she has pubes. Pubes, don’t know much about them except for this, one of their roles is to collect the smells that come from our private parts, this smell is sent out to the world and received by potential mates. The pubes allow this smell to take on a meaning of its own. Don’t need a full bush but need something.
You then, if she lets you, start to play with her nipples, put your mouth on them if you get a chance. These things will be as hard as your dick is currently if she is really getting into what you are giving out. Her skin will start to sweat ever so lightly, it will glow, the smell from her box, well it goes straight to our cocks.
The moment of truth, my hand glides down from her breast, via her oblique muscles, into the side of her underwear. I very carefully and deliberately start to move towards the front, gliding my fingers through her pubes, she gives out a little moan, I have permission to go further.
The moan, my mouth is on her ear, her neck, chin, experimenting with the noises that come out of the mouth. The one, the movement, the action I provide that consistently results in the desired outcome, clear panting, is the same thing I am doing with my mouth when the fingers finally touch the vulva.
The vulva, the outside of the minge, the part you see when a camera is pointed at it and nobody’s fingers are opening it right up.
When you touch the vulva it needs to be wet, really wet. If it is wet and she doesn’t stop you, now it is time to glide a finger inside her. I recommend playing around first, getting her pussy absolutely gushing with juices, more importantly provided she is wet here she is ready to move forward from a physiological perspective. Remember consent, yes and no, always come first.
So muff stuff, as much as it isn’t my Mona Lisa it really is and I love we get to talk about it together.
Like, we haven’t even entered her yet good buddies, not a mention of the muscle in the muscle.
Don’t worry, we’ll get to that.
A Peacock is a Peacock
I’m data dumping, this is the main point of my journal, blah it all out. I get to the current load, whether there is a conclusion to all this or not, decide enough is enough, I’ve learnt what I need to. Next comes a complete pause, everything deleted, start again. Standard process.
The pause, delete, restart generally coincides with a change of circumstances, mine are due to change extremely soon, the pattern repeats.
I ogled one of you today ladies, one of you named Rowena. Confident Rowena is her name, saw her a couple of times on Tinder. The connection I put together later driving home.
I don’t ogle. I love this word, ogle. I’m not sure how you spell it or anything, I love it from a movie, Stranger than Fiction.
‘Flowers? You bought me …………… flours?’, I bought you flours. Beautiful moment. There is a line though, directed towards Harold Crick, it’s one thing a man sacrificing his life without knowing the outcome, but to know you will die and still sacrifice yourself anyway, well, isn’t that the kind of person we want to keep alive. Beautiful line.
I see you, absolutely, see how beautiful you are, your frame, any attractive features, hard to miss your beautiful bodies. I see all this in my natural vision, you come into it and I see you, I see you in enough detail to see you. I almost never take a second look or intentionally look at all.
Sometimes, however, a peacock in full flight is a fucking peacock in full flight. You look at it, admire how ridiculously beautiful this woman is, you admire it for what it is rather than what you want to do to it. This is my ogling.
Today in St. Helens it was almost like the most beautiful women in all of Tasmania had gathered together in the one spot, it could have been very easy to be distracted. One woman, the almost exact doppleganger of a mate’s wife. His wife who would not be mistaken in a lineup of Colombian sports models, ridiculously beautiful.
The other woman with the absolutely ripping body wearing the most beautifully figure complimenting athletic outfit.
Many many more examples.
I saw Rowena, I took two second looks, after all, a peacock is a peacock, is it not?
I did not go out of my way to look at her, the first look, the initial see, she could have easily been mistaken for a male. Baggy shorts, grey baggyish singlet, only the hanging down the arm bra straps made it easy to differentiate. Already, I knew, we had a peacock in our presence.
The second look, the first inrtentional, I needed eggs, she was there, I looked at her as I walked up. She was in the vision anyway but I looked intentionally all the same. The third, forgot tomatoes, we walked passed one another, maybe one metre away. I looked again, just ridiculously beautiful. Ridiculously so.
An animal is an animal, I am going to look at a beautiful animal, absolutely. But, all though I used the term ogle, I won’t and don’t ogle them. I don’t want to fuck a peacock, I look at its beautiful, I wasn’t considering getting Rowena naked, I saw the animal she is, I looked at her beautiful.
Beauty is beauty, a peacock is a peacock. Understanding sexuality, gender, the animal we are helps us to understand this concept. It helps us to see the beauty in the animal we are, the form it takes, and allows us to appreciate it in ourselves and in one another without the intention solely to take from others beauty for ourselves.
I didn’t interrupt Rowena, were I to have realised the Tinder connection still no. I didn’t stare, nothing. I wasn’t trying to take anything from her, I simply appreciated the beautiful thing God put in front of my eyes in that moment, the same damn thing I do every moment.
Ladies, I won’t apologise for this again, I’m not sure this is an apology itself, I really just want us to understand one another, that’s all. You can look too buddy, I won’t get jealous, a peacock will always be a peacock.
Enter the Vulva
Oral sex, fantastic fantastic tool to get your woman, and man, in the mood.
Sarah, and every other partner didn’t particularly mind when we were lying on the couch and I would start to move my way from, generally, a foot massage to attempting to stick my tongue in their twat.
Occasionally, there would be a no, but much much more than occasionally it would result in us having a good old-fashioned root. Others she’d get off and I’d be left to look after myself.
See guys, and girls, there really are no losers in any of this bodily exploration. Provided, once again, it is consensual.
I’m not going to give too many more terms now, just a couple of simple ones to help you with geography. One simple but also the most complicated thing on this planet, the clitoris.
The first term are the lips of the vagina, the dangly things. They come in all shapes and sizes, from barely noticeable to being able to swing off them, they’re all the same. All the same but act differently on each woman, every new flap one has to recap. Recap, start again learning how to work with it, every vagina and penis the same.
The flaps can take some pressure, but listen to your partner, they can be sucked, slapped, licked, nipped and nibbled on, definitely covered in a good amount of your saliva. The sensations you create here will vibrate through the ladies groin, your breath, just your breath will do many great things.
Our next point of interest is the vaginal opening, it is the most obvious landmark when you pull back the flaps, it cannot be missed. I have mentioned, looking into this pink hole is not my favourite thing to do.
We’ll come back to this one under another heading, all you need to know for now is you can get your tongue in there if you flex the muscle enough, explore around, use a finger or two. You can lick this whole area, vulva area, top to bottom like a sloppy dog, gently and carefeully, fast and erratic, smooth and whimsical, to the beat of a drum, whatever, your partner will enjoy them all to varying degrees. If you are listening you will learn which one she enjoys the most.
The next point of interest, it kind of looks like a hole, your lady pisses from here, the urethral opening. You have to lick this as part of the overall lickathon, almost impossible to avoid, no point, get into it.
Now the clitoris, this mysterious thing. Sometimes buds it just does not want to be touched at all, not even during sex, respect this. It can be extremely sensitive, it can be a compliment to you, what you are presenting you are presenting well.
Learn to flick the clit with some type of general know how and orgasms, mind-blowing orgasms, are within the scope of your sexual potential regardless of the size of your appendage. A small dick is not a limp dick, it can be used just as effectively as a BBC, Big Black Cock. Don’t be put off good buddies.
Keep it wet, tip number one, the clit is at the top of vulva area, just before we start to get into the pubal region, the vaginal juices come from the vadge, seep out of the opening, spread all over the place. When your attention is just on the clit you don’t continue to share this beauty goo around, your saliva and tongue are not as slippery or wet as this stuff. The goo is designed to lubricate, let it do its job. Always remember to goo as you go!
The clitoris, try every single movement that your tongue and fingers allow, every one. Make sure you suck this thing, suck it into your mouth, gently but not too gently you cannot hold it there. Get going with your tongue and continue to suck, just like your woman does your dick.
Keep it moist!
Listen to her, again just listen. In your oral play include the parts around the pussy, don’t forget about the lips, the inner thighs, pubic region, a return to her breast. Little breaks, build her tension, be with your own tension.
Explore her anus too, we’ll talk about this another way with in other forms of sexual activity 😉 😉
But her anus, yes you can fuck this too. Yes, she will enjoy it. Yours can be penetrated as well buddy, you will enjoy it as well .If you’re not ready for a real dick buy a fake one.
Experiment with oral sex. Make it an experiment, the hypothesis I would like to explore, Is it possible to get the honey from the honeypot? Your study and feedback mechanism can only be subjective, the experience of your partner. To get the honey you have to listen to her, follow her directions, the experiment parameters, repeatable ones. The result, the data, orgasm or no orgasm.
Some women do not like receiving (or giving) oral sex, respect this. Or, alternatively, they will only allow it very seldom, again, respect this. Having the head of a man, this thing with big teeth, in between one’s legs is a very vulnerable position. You do, and will, nibble the clitoris, this extremely sensitive thing. It will take you a while to understand just how sensitive, how little pressure you can use with your teeth. The clitoris, the vagina overall is extermely sensitive, unlike the penis that requires a big thorough bite to do damage the clitoris needs but a general clench to have long-term disastrous effects. Remember this please men.
Who’s giving the foot rubs now?
When you’re struggling to have sex for longer than a few minutes oral sex is a great great tool to bring into. Sex, when you get going and can spend a really good amount of time doing it becomes so much more than you ever thought you could. It takes some control however, not simply allowing your orgasm to finish things off before they have barely started.
Learn to edge, get to the point where you know if you keep going you shoot your shit further than cows in a dairy and stop, completely stop. But do not stop her momentum and motivation. Pull out of her, put your head down between her legs and work her until all potential for orgasm is gone, then wait until the noises she makes are the noises you want to make and penetrate her again.
Keep doing this, as many times as you need. At first it may be one minute on and five minutes off so to speak, in time it will turn around. The experience will get you to the point you do not need to give her head for any other reason than you know she enjoys it, you can outlast her without it.
She is really enjoying your company now, giving you the foot rubs.
Another Peacock?
Mazunte, Mexico, an historical peacock.
In one of the shops looking for whatever drug related thing I am and another thing walks in, a peacock type of other thing.
It was extremely hard to take my eyes away. The skin, the physique, the presence, beautiful hair, clothes that belonged to this person, it presented itself. Pure comfort, pure beauty.
The first time, maybe two years ago, little more, that I started to consider men as something I better experience. Learnt in this moment it may not be as bad as I was told it is, same sex sex.
See where we are starting to go here buddies? Have a few more things to get through with the ladies and then we will change our tone a little while keeping it the same.
Equality buds, no discrimination allowed, a peacock is a peacock.
Pet the Dog
Fingering a gushing gash is a lot of fun too, it can be done very discretely. Can be done on a bus, plane and train. Anywhere at all.
We aren’t going to go into this any further, the same principles in the chapters above apply to sticking a digit in your date, or your woman’s dot.
Women, buddies, help us out, pretty please.
A fake orgasm, or fake noises do not help us. In fact, trying to make us feel good about ourselves for the sake of feeling good about ourselves is why we men are mostly terrible at sex. We have to be, you complain about us in the bedroom all the time. Stop complaining and do something that does something, fix it, communicate with us honestly.
I want you to enjoy sex because I know we are both enjoying ourselves, we are working together. When you, or I, are not having a good time we are not working together.
Learn to teach us honestly, simply by expressing you throughout our time together. Let out little moans, run your hand through my hair, breathe into our ears, stick your finger in his arse.
You can learn to do this perfectly, really perfectly, if you find something that will sit in your lap and let you pet it for as long as you want.
You pet me and I am going to get terribly bored of it in about two minutes, well, depending where you pet me. A dog however will teach you how to tell me that you are happy to delay lunch while I continue to munch.
Nope buddies, not a cat, I love them too but they are too selfish. A cat will come and sit in your lap when it wants a pat, it will ensure you only pat in a very specific way, purr its lights out and the second you don’t do what it wants will either bugger off or sink its teeth into you. Cats are selfish cunts mate, pretty hard to deny.
Dogs don’t make a whole lot of noise, Bull does, grunts non-stop, but dogs generally show through their actions when they are having a good time. They also show you some beautiful ways to show the petter, your partner they are having a blast.
When you pet a dof how it likes it will show you. Raising the head up to the sky and half-close the eyes, roll onto its back (an animal rolling onto its back when you are giving it attention means that it feels safe), a paw comes up a little bit, back leg involuntarily starting to scratch, lay its ear onto your thigh, breathe slowly and deeply, pet you a little back with a paw or chin. Many many more things.
The dog continuously gives clues to how much it is enjoying your attention, the clue are easy to identify and read. A dog is a great communicator without using words, it can teach people a lot.
Pet your dog, apply the learnings to how your partner pets your puss.
Most importantly, be honest, pretty please.