My current home, so beautiful, so so beautiful. Wake up, make a coffee, grab a cigarette and sit outside on the balcony, quite big balcony. While sitting there puffing away all I see is this phenomenal waterfall 300 metres away, even at 5am in the dark. Actually, is stupid phenomenal at this time, lit up with lights that change colours every 30 or so seconds, ridiculous!
Violence, there is no more important topic in this whole thing than this, none. We work to understand it together, all forms, and again how you are projecting it when you say you are not.
Stuey and the year-nine bullies
Mentioned in part one that I was the victim of jealousy multiple times before I knew what the word meant. Also mentioned that Sam’s cousin Stuey looked after it for us, would like to expand a little more.
Was bullied badly by some older boys who were jealous because a girl they liked, liked me. The bullying started to extend to my mates because I would not react like they wanted to. Stuey took care of it for us, made sure it never happened again.
Once upon a time I would have said that this too is violence, actually completely did say it, did not understand violence enough myself.
It’s not though, not at all. Talked in the Australian Aboriginal space about boxing versus violence, boxing not being violence as it is controlled aggression where violence, the physical form, is uncontrolled aggression expressing itself. This really is the key to understand violence versus non-violence in this instance. All instances, we start here though.
Violence expresses in other ways to physicality, reacting to stuff for example, again uncontrolled aggression expressing itself in various forms. We will open this up as we go, take it easy.
What Stu did was the only thing that could be done in the environment. Come from a background, community and town where men are men. We do not dibber dobber, one dibber dobbers to the authorities (teachers) and the evidence from the time made it clear that the bullying would not stop. Instead, it would have been amplified, my life, which was already tough, could have become significantly more so. Pretty sure we can all agree this was not what I needed.
Yeah, this is shit, not being able to reach out for help in a healthy way, really shit, but it was the way it was. The times and environment I, and my mates, all men around me, existed in.
Bullying, the escalation of it was a massive concern, huge huge concern. Started with one victim, extended to another innnocent and beyond doubt would have kept manifesting until our whole crew was involved without ever having done a thing wrong.
Now we are starting to understand victims of trauma too I hope, we all get bullied and collectively need to try and understand it, remove our confusion. Of course, the next step for us collectively could easily have been to repeat the behaviours, continue continuing the environment, very very unhealthy one.
Stu’s approach, which probably included giving the ringleader, Paul, a good old fashion belting was necessary in our scenario. Literally did not see Paul for the rest of the year other than a view from a distance. If Stuey did nothing, or solely have a nice little chat it was not going to be effective, needed Paul to understand what he was doing, really understand it, be the target of the same shit.
Clearly, he understood. Never happened again to us, or anybody else from what I recall.
The actions were controlled aggression, Stu knew exactly what he was doing and why, went into the situation with a plan. Yes, premeditated, did it with safety being the top of the agenda, safety that extended well beyond our group, the removal of bullying. Had Sam have told Stu what was going on and Stu flipped the switch the scenario could have been terrible, one boy that could do lots and lots of damage to others if he lost the plot.
He was emotional, yes, his young cousin and mate who he also knew well as I was often at Sam’s or vice-versa for the seven years leading up to the moment were being treated like crap for no reason. Sam and Stu’s family lived a kilometre from one another, we would often cross paths. Emotion however not the driving force, safety the primary intention, controlled aggression stemming from understanding, conscious understanding.
This is all we need for a starting point to understand violence more clearly together. It is a simple example of violence versus aggression.
One uncontrolled expression, the other controlled expression.
Whack
20 years old and am chatting to Carland at the Union Hotel, the Colac under 18 captain in the Grand Final win. GREAT bloke.
Stacey comes up to us, had not seen her for a year or two. Was attractive the last time I had seen her. We talk a little, she walks away.
Jesus mate, Stacey has put on some kilograms.
Whack! A slap across my face, Carland has wound up, hit me properly.
What the fuck mate? She bloody well has.
Whack!
‘She’s my fucking girlfriend mate.’
So bloody what mate, it’s true. I walk away shaking my head, never having anything to do with Carland again.
Stacey was fat, really fat, looked a bit like a bowling ball. Yeah, did not need to say it, but I did and it was true. Carland’s response is pure violence, nothing but, ignorance motivating his actions. The truth of the scenario was my participation, Carland’s nothing but ignorance based on emotion motivating his outcomes.
It was only a slap but sometimes these things are not just a slap, people’s lives are ruined. Not being able to hear the truth, especially when it is the truth, is a really poor trait to have. It is ignorance, ignorance is the base of all violence. We understand this a little in this example?
Great, it is an introduction. We’re going to explore further, ignorance is the key all of us need to understand to get a strong grasp on the foundation of violence. We build that foundation and violence starts to be less active in all of our lives.